Reflections in Job

As I was reading Job 32 this morning I was so encouraged. I had never gathered that nugget before. I mean I know Paul tells Timothy not to let anyone look down on him because of his youth. And, I learned somewhere when my kids were little that it’s the same Holy Spirit living in them as dwells in me. The Holy Spirit is God and has no age. But I had never noticed before that it was also in Job.

I was painfully shy, and always worried about looking like an idiot if I said something and on top of that I’m an introvert. Because of those traits many people labeled me a not so nice word that is meant for a female dog…words have such power. I have also been told many times that I am wise beyond my years. But the negative words associated with my personality have colored my lenses, the ones I use to gauge my interactions. All that to say that I still struggle with trepidation about speaking out.

Elihu became angry at these grown men, these elders whom he had been honoring. They had been sitting around complaining and griping and bemoaning the suffering of Job. Job then justifies his actions and boasts about all his righteousness. Elihu is bursting with need to tell them about God and to justify His God His Maker. He didn’t want to offend these elders, but he had to speak. I love the way he talks about it building inside of him and not being able to hold it in.

I am reminded of how many times I have been bursting with a need to say something deep in my spirit. But I chose to stifle the spirit due to my own feelings of inadequacy or fear of offending someone or coming across as rude. Trust. I must trust that God made me who I am, and I must trust that when He prompts me to speak that He will use it how it needs to be used. I can’t worry about the fall out or the watering of the seed or about the offense. He yearns for none to perish, He uses all things for the good of those who love Him.

Lord of All

Last month I miscarried. It was awful. The pain, the weakness, the blood, the pain and the ongoing weakness. It was awful. But I have come to know my Savior as Adonai over the years and so there was this trust there for me. I didn’t understand it, I didn’t really like it, but I was willing to trust that His will is good. My favorite hymn kept playing in my brain: It is well with my soul. Whatever my lot thou has taught me to say it is well with my soul. Also, last year my Barnabus had a miscarriage in her family and so we had been talking about it and I was prompted to write some beauty from the ashes to her. To be thankful for the ability to be pregnant, to feel life growing inside of you, the awe of how that life is created and sustained and some more things. And so as I’m sitting around these thoughts are coming to mind as I was now dealing with it personally. People were so kind with there words and worried about my emotional state of mind but I was ok.

But! I was also severely aggravated. My husband drug me to the ER. I knew I was losing the baby, I was in my jammies and laying in bed suffering in comfort through the excruciating pain. But he was so worried about me and my mom being so far away was also influencing him and then we reached out to a nurse friend and she said you have to go to the ER. Well. Guess what. The ER was backed up and full of people with the flu hacking everywhere. They left me, a bleeding pregnant woman in the waiting room for hours. Then they pull me back and treat me disrespectfully and then the nurse said I don’t know why you are here, there’s nothing we can do. The doctor said you need to be rushed to a different ER. We get to the next ER and they ask why we are there, there’s nothing really to be done for a miscarriage. Then he finally realizes that they have an ultrasound and the 1^st ER did not. This ER did treat me better and much faster, but still they sent me home without doing anything really and without any real instructions.

Well, God is either Sovereign or He is not! I cannot believe He is Sovereign over the life of my baby and then not believe He is Sovereign over the medical field. This anger over the very high-priced trip to the ER to find out what I already knew and the pain I was in overshadowed my devastation over losing the baby, or babies as we were hoping for twins.

I now find myself at peace! God is indeed Sovereign. He is the Lover of my soul. He is the Giver of good gifts. He is El Shadai, Adonai! I am secure in the palm of His hand. Whatever my lot Lord, thou hast taught me to say, it is well with my soul.

Eyes to see

We are gutting and remodeling our latest, 3^rd, fixer upper. Yesterday I found myself pulling tons of nails out of used studs so that we can reuse them. I got to thinking how God does that to and for us. He takes our hurts, our wounds, our sins, our weaknesses and transforms them and uses them and heals them. He restores what the locusts have eaten (Joel 2:25-32). He makes beauty from ashes, turns our mourning into joy plants us by streams of water as a display of His splendor (Is 61:3).

There were some boards that had tiny nails in them, they were easy and relatively painless to extract and finish. I have had some quick and relatively painless lessons to learn over the years. God revealed something ugly in me and gave me the grace/wisdom/knowledge/obedience to turn from them and He brought healing. Then there were some boards that had tiny nails, giant nails, and giant crooked nails in them, these required some beating and finesse to extract and be done. Can anyone relate? I have had some larger issues and deeply ingrained patterns that God had to really finesse me to let go of. He would prod, I would buck, He would poke I might listen, then I would acquiesce and He would grow and strengthen more into His image. Then there was one board that I wasn’t sure that I could use in my analogy, it had all of these nails in them, but as I extracted one deeply seated nail a crack ran the length of the board and I thought this board is now useless. Do you ever feel like that? I know there have been times when I have been so beat down by the world, hurt, abused, betrayed, bullied, angry, vengeful, downright broken and useless. But, God. He is a good, good Father. Adonai! He takes us broken and hurting and pours the Balm of Gilead into every dark and deep crevice and gives us a voice to proclaim the freedom and strength and joy that we have found onto all we meet. He is so faithful to meet us wherever we are and to take whatever we offer Him and make it greater.

 

2 Corinthians 3:16-18 (HCSB) but whenever a person turns to the Lord, the veil is removed. Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. We all, with unveiled faces, are looking as in a mirror at the glory of the Lord and are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory; this is from the Lord who is the Spirit.

Isaiah 61:3-4 to comfort all who mourn,

to provide for those who mourn in Zion;
to give them a crown of beauty instead of ashes,
festive oil instead of mourning,
and splendid clothes instead of despair.
And they will be called righteous trees,
planted by the Lord
to glorify Him.

They will rebuild the ancient ruins;
they will restore the former devastations;
they will renew the ruined cities,
the devastations of many generations.