This morning my son picked up one of my daughter’s
Strawberry Shortcake miniature dolls and asked me if I wished I were that skinny….WHAT?!?!?!?
I said something like: I try really hard to love my body, because it’s the one
that God gave me and He designed us all uniquely and wonderfully in His image…but
is that really the case?
This has been an ongoing battle for too many years to
count! I try really hard to be content, or to at least not allow my kids to see
my discontent because of all the eating disorders and body image issues in
society today…and I for sure, do not want to predispose my kiddos to any of
that hullabaloo. I want so bad to hand my kiddos a double portion as Elijah did
to Elisha, but I am bombarded today with the fact that maybe I am less content
than even I realized.
I am really good at maintaining…I have been the same
size and roughly the same weight for about 10 years, but it is all consuming. I
constantly watch and criticize everything I eat and I try to stay active (something
that is much more challenging in a camper). Because of the extremes that my
mind loves to dive into, I won’t allow myself to diet or do any of the fad
stuff, I don’t read magazines, I don’t read the latest workout fads, because I
am afraid it will consume me. And I don’t want anything but God to consume me.
But today I am realizing that even my balancing act is all-consuming.
I find that the skimpier the clothing trends become and
the more flesh that people expect to see the less content I become, even though
my personal style hasn’t changed much in the last 20 years (yes that’s post doc
Martins and crocheted dresses)…I wonder what is the secret to being content?
Because that is all I truly desire. I want to be a content person in all areas
of life. I want to be healthy: spiritually, physically, emotionally,
relationally and financially.
Funny (not haha) that there is always something to work
on in our lives. I guess when God is done refining me, He will just call me
home, and I get to dance in Glory in a new body. I wonder sometimes at the
sanity behind my thinking that my body image is really a spiritual issue. But,
to me, it is. I am unable to move from where am I unless I am certain that the
motives are pure. God says in His Word that we have not because our motives in
asking are wrong (James 4:3)…is He really going to make me skinny tomorrow if
my only motivation is keeping up with the Joneses? So, in my quest for
contentment comes a desire to just be a healthy and happy me and to leave the
judgers to judge…but, maybe it is I that is the biggest judge of all?
