Reality

Recently, I was overwhelmed with emotions and tension in my marriage. So, I began praying over Jason and asking God to heal the tensions and put peace back in our home. While I was praying over our marriage it became apparent that I was nursing a hurt. It's not one that I could've pointed to, it's not a cut I was actively putting a bandage on and in all honesty it's one I thought didn't even exist. Two years ago, Jason was offered a job in Texas. He felt the Lord leading him and the job offer was good. I didn't feel the leading to move like he did, but I did feel like it was my place to respect his role as head of house and follow him. So, pack up and leave we did. I was aware that I didn't want to go. We had made a community in Boomtown, USA. We loved our church. We had great friends. We were in a great place for many adventures, there will still so many areas we wanted to explore. We landed in Texas and set up camp about the time that the bottom fell out of the oil industry. The proffered job was no more. There was no work to be found. But somehow we landed on our feet and got busy the way that we do. I started subbing and Jason did eventually find a decent job. We stayed there about 6 months. Around Spring break my grandfather offered us some of his land and Jason's job was ending and it seemed like if we were starting over again, home would be as good a place as any. So, pack up and head east we did. Only, that didn't turn out the way we thought either...4 moves in the Panhandle later and we are finally settling in. Work is steady and good. No one can say anything negative about my hubby's work ethic.
All that backstory to say:"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?" Matthew 7:3. This is not about anyone's dust, but about my plank. How annoying that I can miss a plank in my eye! I mean, just a tiny speck of something in my eye has me thoroughly irritated and crying. God revealed to me recently that I had a hurt and had quit trusting Him. Because, I had given the devil a tiny entrance it was showing in my marriage and my emotions. Because, I had a perceived hurt and a perceived reason to mistrust, I was not showing my man the honor due him. I had a friend ask me in ND how I trusted my husband after our past, to which I simply replied: I trust my Father. After this perceived hurt, that was no longer the case and it was manifesting itself in tension filled days.
Hindsight: the oil industry crashed! Many, many, many people lost their jobs. Had we have stayed in ND, as winter approached along with the astronomical cost of living, we would have really been up a creek. However, even in moving to TX without a secure job to fall on, God's hand was guiding and protecting us. We met some cool people along the way and added some legs to the adventure that we set out on 3.5 years ago.
Things are better now. It's amazing what confession can do for the soul. I feel renewed and free. God has given me back my desire to teach and lead, to write on my blog and to start up a Bible study. I am believing God for many things. I so desire to share the things I have learned along the way and to teach ladies what it means to lean in to God and to trust Him with all your heart.

Sanctified Sinners

As we are getting our shoes on to walk out the door for church, Elijah says: do people who say they believe in the Lord, but go around being ugly go to heaven? This is such perfect timing, you know, it's Sunday morning, rushing around, trying to get out the door and get our butts to church to worship the Lord, full sarcasm. But seriously, the timing is perfect! Because the God of all wonders, Who exists outside of our timeline and knows all the hairs on our heads...He said it was time. I take a deep breath, not because I am bothered, and not because I am frazzled, but because I am continuously amazed at the depth of this man I am raising, and because I know that he wants an answer and does not want a flippant answer as we hurry out the door; out comes Bible teacher mom(I will paraphrase, cuz my memory is slipping). Well, son, I believe that when we believe in the Lord, when we know the Lord, you will be able to tell. The Bible says they will know us by our Love and by our good deeds. The Word says that we will be transformed by the renewing of our mind, because as we get to know the God that has saved us and read the Word, we will become the new creations that the Bible says we are when we acknowledge Him as Lord and Savior.

I am sure there were a few other things said...but as I reflect, I am just honored to be this young man's mom. I am honored for the life that God has given me and the deep desire and conviction to plant His Word deep inside my son since before he can remember.

 

Later that night, after reading a few chapters in our Sugar Creek Gang book, he says to me that he needs to repent for some school relationships. Evidently, there were 2 boys that he was not treating well, was not including in his circle and he said I need to make that right. Oh, be still my heart! If the only 2 things my son learns from our home is to be obedient to the Lord and to be teachable, I will be completely content!

 

 

I so deeply desire to be found faithful with the 2 beautiful gifts God has given me to nurture and love and raise to be known by God. I am so far from perfect, there are days when I look back and think, oh Lord, what have I done (or not done)! And yet, I rest in the fact that God chose me at the foundations of the world to be their mom. He chose me to live for such a time as this, in this year, in this country. And I think when we have that perspective it changes everything. It changes how we view the family that we grew up in. Because, no matter how many times the world will try to tell you about your dysfunctional family, or try to blame the folks for problems in your life. When we stand firm, that God knew and knows all the details, that the trials and curves and switchbacks in your life have all been for the plans He has for your life and the comfort He will expect you to pour out and share with another, then we will be found: good and faithful servant. One of my favorite verses is Psalm 46:10, but people always cut it off, they don't read the entire verse, and it is my opinion that if you drop the last 2 lines of the verse then you miss its signficance! Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth (Ps 46:10). We were not created for life on this earth as the end game, we are created for eternity and we are created for God's glory, not our own. So whatever is going on in and around you, trust and obey because He will be exalted; He will be glorified; He will be known.