Wise enough to listen

Titus 2: 3-5 Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.

I love this passage of scripture, you may notice it is in the title of the blog…in the Bible study that I am leading right now Beth Moore talked about the older ladies and honored them in a wonderful way and it brought tears to my eyes.

I have been pondering the many women who have greatly influenced my life. I remember when I agreed to lead this study I fully expected just a group of my peers and younger to attend. Boy was I shocked when I saw the diversity of age and backgrounds of the women who decided to join this study. I was humbled and terrified speechless that first week, someone else stood in the gap and led us in prayer. But, I am so very grateful for this wonderfully, diverse group of ladies that God brought together for our study.

 From a very young age I took to older women.  From wonderful grandmothers and aunts and family friends I learned to love listening to stories about earlier times and ways.  The world would find a way to misalign that and say I had mommy issues or something…but the truth is, I have always loved the stories of days gone by. There are the stories of triumph in difficulty, the stories of floundering to find their own way as I have too, and the wisdom that comes with age and experience.  These are invaluable for those of us still travelling those roads.

 I am so very thankful to the women who found me worthy enough to pour some of themselves and their knowledge into who I am and who I will be. And I just wanted to encourage younger women to have a diverse group of people close to your heart and in your life. And wiser ladies, please understand that what you have to give and share with us is incredibly valuable and we need your encouragement. Don’t feel like what you have to say and give is outdated or in any way useless. Times are different, but the desires of a woman’s heart: to be loved, to be a good wife and mom, those are timeless. And we need women to look up to who have gone before us, who have fought in the trenches and have overcome, people who won’t sugarcoat the responsibilities and difficulties of marriage, but will share some of their biggest defeats and biggest triumphs candidly.  Sometimes even when we don’t think we need this guidance.  Perhaps then most of all.  We all need encouragement and hope, a helping hand, a kind heart – just like in the scripture above.  

 

Leaves are changing colors

My father once told me while I was working at the farm: The only thing constant in your life is change! That was 12 years ago. I’m not so sure that anything has really changed!

I am amazed that living with my hubby and seeing him and communicating with him regularly that I was able to be totally blindsided! But I was. My dear friend in the faith recently commented on my spidey sense, and how I am always in tune with the changing seasons. I had been saying for several weeks that change was in the air, change was coming for us. But I thought it was coming by way of a home, that we were going to get to settle down in this community that we’ve grown to love and appreciate. I had no idea that hubby was secretly dreading the thought of working outside through another winter, I had no idea he was ready to hit the road.

And while being blindsided with his desire to move on, I AM IN. I have absolutely no reservations about leaving. I am very excited about this next leg of our adventure. The kids are equally excited about our journey. They keep trying to pack Go-bags and ask if today is the day. Our son is praying anxiously for this move to involve a home, even a small home, a little bigger than our camper. And when I told him, trying to prepare him, that we would probably be spending more time in the camper as we try to figure out where to live and get some money ready, he was devastated. It’s a good thing he bounces back quickly.

The babydoll adds a T to Texas. She keeps talking about moving to TexTas (it is so very darlin’) and is so very excited. And as long as we are in Tennessee for Christmas, because Christmas is in TN (her words, not mine), I think she’ll be good to go.

I have grown and been challenged in so many areas of my life while being here. I am so thankful for the many friendships and very fun memories that we have made. I will remember our season here in the very NorthWest corner of ND very fondly. Thank you for making our time here awesome!

 

My Son, my son!

For those that knew us when my son was small…and for those that are maybe walking there right now…I want to share with you some of the fruit. Don’t lose heart!

A while back a friend reminisced with me and told me about a time when they had left our home and she said to her husband I hope our sons don’t act like that.

My son, my son! He was such an awesome baby, so sweet and easy. Then there was about a year when he was 3’ish that I didn’t leave the house with him alone. If hubby or my mom weren’t with us, we stayed home. He was headstrong, and temperamental, full of energy and rambunctious and I was scared to leave the house with him, frightened he would run in front of a car or tear up the grocery store.

I took a nap with him daily just to have enough energy to keep up with him. He would go down for his nap and I would have my quiet time and then a nap, so that when he woke up I’d be rejuvenated for him. For a while we were in such a bad place that I made a behavior chart, I made it idiot proof so that there was no way he wouldn’t get stickers during the day. This was a great reboot for our relationship. The child is quick! I had to revive my disciplining daily. The same discipline didn’t work all the time.

Let me just insert, that it wasn’t always time to discipline. From the time he was born I have spoken life into him daily. On top of our daily devotionals and reading from the Bible and memorizing scripture, I affirm him. I tell him that if I got to choose I would choose him again. I tell him that he is my favorite: 1^st and middle name. I tell him that I am proud to be his mom (and now he answers me: I am proud to be your son).

If you are in a difficult season with your kiddos, can I just encourage you that you are the right mom for the job. God determined at the foundations of the world, at creation that you would be that child’s parent. It was not a spur of the moment decision when sperm met egg. Think about this, at creation you were on His mind, all your days were written. Yes we have free-will, but that does not mean that anything surprises God, you never catch him off-guard. You are exactly the right fit for your child. If you are an adoptee or an adopted mom, I believe the same for you and your kiddos. God knows and He knew. He has uniquely gifted you with everything that your child needs. That does not mean that you will not make mistakes. But God’s grace is sufficient to walk through it.

It was a hard hard time. Can I just say that it was labor intensive! But, now the fruits of our hard work and consistency has paid off!

Here are a few recent stories that help to rejuvenate me as a mom. Because lets face it, being a parent is a full-time, always on, kind of gig.

His little sister is now in Elementary school and so she has joined the big kids church. The children’s Pastor praised him because he was singing (not the best singer he's ever heard) but singing with all his might with his hands raised and loving Jesus. And Pastor thought that was a great example for him to be living for his sister. Because she'll see many people but it'll be him that she watches…

His dad told him he had to ride in the front seat with his sister on his bus. Well another kindergarten girl's older brother won’t sit w her so he sits w both girls. I send them a snack and the other day he gave his to her. And told me I needed to pack more snacks because their mom doesn’t.

There is nothing that makes my heart swell quite as much as listening to him break out with a worship song.

Another Difficult Decision

People have been asking if I was ever going to blog again…it’s hard to string together sentences in the midst of a very difficult decision. And sometimes it’s easier to make a decision without the ‘help’ of others, so keeping it mostly to ourselves was the best way for us to do this.

I thought this blog would flow from the tips of my fingers, but I am using the backspace a lot, trying to keep my sarcasm and opinions on this subject in check.

We came to the decision that the kids are going to school on Wednesday. The princess is old enough for Kindergarten this year and that frees me up to get a job outside the home. I am very nervous and anxious about this decision and am hoping that we only have to use public day care until Christmas. I am hoping that we will be able to pay off a few bills by then and that we can start Homeschooling again in January.

While at WM the other day buying their school supplies, I was fighting tears and a desire to sit down and have a huge pity party.

For me it is an issue of faith on both sides! I didn’t want the decision to send them to school to be a lack of faith that THE PROVIDER would indeed provide and now that we made the decision I don’t want to lack the faith that THE CREATOR won’t keep my babies safe. I am trusting that God will honor my obedience in this and my desire to follow my hubby and allow him the freedom to lead us.

Tomorrow we will go on our last field trip with our homeschool friends for the foreseeable future, and we are very excited. There are so many cool activities planned this year that we will be missing, and I am bummed. But, I am excited to have a little excess in the budget and to pay down some bills. Because lets face it, in our move to come up here to get out of debt we created more debt and while all the bills get paid every month, they aren’t getting paid down very quickly. And we both feel strongly that we won’t know our next step until we have cleared up our debt. We both desire to be in ministry of some sort eventually and know that we must first be free and clear.

If you build it they will come...

If you build it they will come…

Some of you may know that I have started a small group at my church, made it all official and opened it up to anyone…it’s Tuesdays at the Lake. But the surprising part of it is how God has grown my vision for it.

Many of you may know me as the quiet, reserved, introvert, stand offish, not chatty, hard to approach…all may be things that you have thought or said about me. So, imagine my surprise as God plants an extrovert’s passion deep into my being. I still do not know what it will look like or exactly where it is going…but here’s what I know: if God has planted it, there is a way and a reason. And I am excited to see where it leads.

My heart is for the women in this area. Being an ‘oilfield widow’ is tough in and of itself. Then you add in the lack of shopping malls (I know, some women dig these places, strange, right???) and museums or whatever it is that they left in their previous homes and come to a place with an outrageous male population and they are left with a bad taste in their mouths for this area. Women also have a hard time making friends. We are harsh and judgmental, we think we have to be perfect, we think many things, probably different for us all. But, one thing that we all have in common, whether intro or extrovert, we all need friends. God created us for relationships, it’s in our core to want to commune with others.

So, I have this desire to be a catalyst for friendships, hopefully life giving friendships. I have hopes that bonds will be formed and that in the fall maybe it will grow into a Bible study group, or maybe new welcoming committees will blossom. I hope to plant seeds of friendship deep into the hearts of women. I want women to quit leaving the area. Wouldn’t it be cool if the ration between men and women wasn’t so extreme? For me, God has given me roots here. It has been a long time since I’ve felt at home. Probably since I left FL all those years ago. For whatever reason, TN was never really home, just a stopping place.

Won’t it be cool to have running buddies here in this new leg of your life’s marathon? People to surround you and make you not feel so alone and homesick?

If you are local we’d love to have you join us on Tuesdays J

Beyond Grateful

I find myself in such a season of abundance and gratefulness!

Our pastor in TN used to preach that God would restore what the locusts had eaten…the locusts had eaten a lot in our marriage! But the last almost 2 years, since we hit the number ‘7’ have been wonderful. Not perfect, not lacking in aggravation and pettiness, not without frustrations and limitations, not looking the way we thought it would look (can I get an AMEN to that)…But, oh so very wonderful!

Whether by choice or forced by circumstance we didn’t really live and fellowship in TN, we were in survival mode. Here, we have found life, and evidently we have found it abundantly. Here in this boomtown, and if you know your history, you could compare much of it to the gold fever of days gone by, in this land of much and greed and sin…we have found the Spirit to be active and free in a way I’ve never experienced.

We are surrounded by such an awesome group of people! Such generosity of spirit, time, material things, fellowship, friendship – I am absolutely blown away. When praying with the kids before bed I found myself in tears again when thanking God for our blessings. I am truly overwhelmed by His faithfulness and the blessings.

The Bible says many times to pray without ceasing! It also says that when words fail that His Spirit will intercede where words fail…I gotta say most days I don’t get much farther than the Thank You’s. And I am sure that this mountain top will not carry us to the end and that we will face valleys and seasons of being dry…but now while I am here, I cannot keep to myself how truly good our Father is! How faithful He is. There is a verse that says that if our earthly fathers give good gifts, how much more would Abba…I am experiencing this to a new depth. So, I walk around smiling, and I hope that it is infectious and I hope to in some way pass on the blessings.

All because of an innocent question...

This morning my son picked up one of my daughter’s Strawberry Shortcake miniature dolls and asked me if I wished I were that skinny….WHAT?!?!?!? I said something like: I try really hard to love my body, because it’s the one that God gave me and He designed us all uniquely and wonderfully in His image…but is that really the case?

This has been an ongoing battle for too many years to count! I try really hard to be content, or to at least not allow my kids to see my discontent because of all the eating disorders and body image issues in society today…and I for sure, do not want to predispose my kiddos to any of that hullabaloo. I want so bad to hand my kiddos a double portion as Elijah did to Elisha, but I am bombarded today with the fact that maybe I am less content than even I realized.

I am really good at maintaining…I have been the same size and roughly the same weight for about 10 years, but it is all consuming. I constantly watch and criticize everything I eat and I try to stay active (something that is much more challenging in a camper). Because of the extremes that my mind loves to dive into, I won’t allow myself to diet or do any of the fad stuff, I don’t read magazines, I don’t read the latest workout fads, because I am afraid it will consume me. And I don’t want anything but God to consume me. But today I am realizing that even my balancing act is all-consuming.

I find that the skimpier the clothing trends become and the more flesh that people expect to see the less content I become, even though my personal style hasn’t changed much in the last 20 years (yes that’s post doc Martins and crocheted dresses)…I wonder what is the secret to being content? Because that is all I truly desire. I want to be a content person in all areas of life. I want to be healthy: spiritually, physically, emotionally, relationally and financially.

Funny (not haha) that there is always something to work on in our lives. I guess when God is done refining me, He will just call me home, and I get to dance in Glory in a new body. I wonder sometimes at the sanity behind my thinking that my body image is really a spiritual issue. But, to me, it is. I am unable to move from where am I unless I am certain that the motives are pure. God says in His Word that we have not because our motives in asking are wrong (James 4:3)…is He really going to make me skinny tomorrow if my only motivation is keeping up with the Joneses? So, in my quest for contentment comes a desire to just be a healthy and happy me and to leave the judgers to judge…but, maybe it is I that is the biggest judge of all?

A New Realization

Sisters! Walk into and embrace your inheritance. It is for this earth, not just for heaven.

I have a friend that in her insecurities often refers to herself as weird. The enemy is smart and conniving. For some he isolates, for some he makes busy, for some he deceives, for some he puffs up…his list is endless. But he desires to stomp out our fire!

Words have such power! So, even if ‘I am weird’ is just an awkward ice breaker, a self-deprecating throw of words. Words have power! We must arm ourselves with the Word of Truth and be careful what we truly believe. Because when we believe that we are weird…that’s how we act. Naturally we withdraw, naturally we second guess everything we say, naturally we think we are different than our sisters, somehow less than…

The Bibles says that we are His Beloved! The Bible says that we are joint heirs with Christ! The Bible says that we have been given a Spirit of power! The Bible says we are Redeemed! The Bible says we have been washed whiter than snow! The Bible says He will not leave us nor forsake us! The Bible says we are His Bride! We are beautiful, unique, created in His Image, wonderfully made, intimately known by our Father, we are cherished, precious daughters in His sight, created with a purpose, known since creation and designed specifically to our calling.

He didn’t wait until conception to know us! So, even if you think you are an accident…He knows you! He knew you before and designed with something awesome in mind. You are special and worthy of His love. I love to think about that. When He spoke the world into being, I was on His mind. He knows me, all my flaws, all my shortcomings, all my pride, all my sin…and He cherishes me, is quick to forgive, steady to redirect my steps, catching me when I fall, never making me feel like a heel – even when I’m wrong. Totally cherished!

And, sisters, that is not your husband’s job. He can never be to you what only Jesus was designed to be. So, if you are putting all your eggs in the basket of being a beautiful cherished princess bride…your husband is overworked and the expectations on him may cause him to crumble and fall under the weight. Fill that void with Jesus, let Him love you as only He can and then give your husband the overflow.

Renewed Vigor

After spending the weekend praying, researching and weighing my options there was no absolute answer. While the thought of sending him to school was very peaceful, there were a lot of hurdles that I couldn’t quite jump mentally. So on Monday morning I felt led to ask him what he wanted to do…I fully knew that he was going to choose going to school! Wrong! He said he wanted to stay home and do a better job of homeschooling. So, since I had asked him and given him that control, here we are.

I must say though that this week has been filled with much hope and peace and determination. There are after all only 2 months left (give or take)…I woke up Monday morning feeling like I could conquer the world. I gotta say that after having sickness in our home for the last month or so that it was a foreign feeling. God has woken me up with a renewed vigor the last 3 days and we have been having upward momentum.

I am so encouraged that people are reading my thoughts and craziness and that I have even been allowed to bless others. Although the leading to write a blog was clear, the direction is still cloudy. But it is my desire to live a transparent life, to be real with women and to be iron and have iron in my life spurring us towards love and good deeds. Always remembering that this is not our home, getting caught up in the things of this world makes my focus slip. Heaven is our home and I want to spend more time on things with eternal value than just simply passing the time.

Battling Aimlessly

I have heard it said that women’s heads are like a giant plate of spaghetti and men’s brains are arranged in boxes. And while I am definitely on the logical, realistic, non-artsy side of things, I’m pretty sure that there’s a mess of sticky pasta upstairs. Everything is connected! I can’t think about anything lately without it looking like a giant domino display crashing down. While unpacking some overwhelming thoughts/emotions to my ‘sister’ this afternoon, some things started clicking into perspective. Funny how when you are knee deep it’s hard to see the roots. Perspective does indeed change things?

 

When I started on this homeschool adventure…that’s what it was. It was an adventure, just like our lives in a camper on the plains of ND. We wanted the freedom of escaping to TN during the winter and I had some behavior/character things I really wanted to work on with my son.

I think there are some homeschoolers that are die hard homeschoolers and were raised in homeschool and there has never been another plan, there’s not even another option. Their kids aren’t vaccinated, they won’t enter the mainstream…and you know what I think: I think that’s great! I think it’s a wonderful opportunity for you and your kiddos. I however, had never heard of homeschooling growing up, had never really given it much thought until the last couple of years and still there was this mystery surrounding it all. I have unwound a lot of the mystery for myself, but am just finding that in this season, in our camper, in our neighborhood, with my son, it is not working for us. And after unpacking layers of guilt, I am contemplating going to sign my son back up for school on Monday.

 

I think in our society, with this constant barrage of information, that it is easy to have lies implanted in your core. Even if you fight them, even if you love the Lord, there are lies in this world. I realized this week that even though I have always been one to love my quiet time (an introverts paradise, I guess) that I have allowed it to be stolen by busyness. Somehow the noise level in my life is out of control! Even in my prayer time, it has gotten so loud, that I have been unable to shut it up to hear from the One whose voice my soul longs for. My favorite verse has had no room in my life for the last month or so (Ps 46:10 "Cease striving and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.")

 

In my desire to do something good for my child, different than the norm…am I doing him a disservice if I have lost myself and we find ourselves at constant odds? Am I still doing a good thing when our lives are filled with constant strife? Could it be with our very strong-willed, dominant personalities that maybe a little more space than our 29’ camper provides be a good thing and not a bad thing? Have I in fact, become the very parent I didn’t want to become? I believe I have mentioned before, that my son has some very amazing qualities! But, I am having a hard time seeing them lately. A night’s reprieve is never enough to face the next day full of challenges. By living in an overwhelmed state have I allowed this verse to pop up in our lives, without intending to do so?

Ephesians 6:4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.

 

I will spend the rest of the weekend prayerfully seeking my Father’s face. But, could the joy, lightness and quickening in my spirit, just from putting this thought out there, be the answer in itself? Sometimes I think we look too long and hard for answers, when they are staring us right in the face. Sometimes, we just think that simplicity couldn’t possibly be the answer.

I gotta say that I must get the guilt factor under control…but a 2 month break before a 3 month summer session in the camper (which will in fact be easier than the winter) might be just what the doctor ordered.

Not about me

I am beginning to sense a great Spiritual awakening. At first I thought it was just living here in the Bakken, because there is truly something different here…but the more I study and listen the more I think, God is trying to send His church a wake up call.

I have always strongly believed that God was going to use our marriage as a testimony, that the hubby and I would be leading in some capacity and helping others stay in their covenants. But that has such a ‘me’ feel. I am feeling more and more that it is really not about me at all and ALL ABOUT HIM. And He is calling us to rise up and be different. To look different than the world that we live in, to act different, to live differently. Don’t you think it’s time for the church to start looking different than the world. How can our divorce rates be as high as the world? How can teen rebellion be as high as the world? How can we look the same as the world, when we have the Power of the Holy Spirit at our side, living inside? Didn’t Jesus say that when He left, the Holy Spirit would come on us and we would do greater things than Him?

We have cherry picked several verses and made it so that they fit the American dream…I don’t think there’s anything really wrong with the American dream, unless of course, it contradicts what the Lord has called out for your life. He has good plans, plans to prosper you…Jer 29: 11, Rom8:28…now I’m not saying that He’s lying, merely that I think we get confused on what is good, and we rarely look at the verses surrounding the cherry picked ones. He knows what is ultimately best and ‘His’ looks different than ours. I don’t think He’s talking about riches, or the hottest husband, or kids that are robots, I think ultimately He’s talking about a fully surrendered life, because that is where we find contentment. Contentment bleeds out onto others and they demand to know what you have that they don’t…only the Holy Spirit can draw us to Him, but our lives should be lived in such a way that others want what we have. And let’s face it, money does not satisfy, unless God is filling that void, you will always be chasing something.

Back to my initial thoughts…I think it’s time for us to listen! He is calling us out, it’s not going to be comfortable, it may not even be pretty J we will probably be stretched in ways that we never dreamed of, but He is calling us to stand up and take a stand. I believe our country needs us! But, more than a bunch of people yelling about all the things we are against, we have got to be a praying people. But, we also have to be a reconciled people, we must humbly repent before our God and then be reconciled so that we can beg Him for mercy. We can keep saying that we are a Christian nation, or we can wake up and face reality…if we were a Christian nation, the enemy would not be holding our politicians, our children, our marriages, our friendships, our families, our business men hostage with his lies.

I’ll be the first to admit my prayer life has a long way to go…but now is the time! He is calling us up. It is time for us to gather together and throw off petty complaints and grudges, work together, love and encourage each other’s strengths, don’t belittle our weaknesses but let’s stand in the gap for each other. We are the body and there isn’t a member of the body that is not important, every part of the body is vital to accomplish His Good Works.

Here are a couple of passages that the Lord has been showing me while being led to prayer:

II Chron 7 13"If I shut up the heavens so that there is no rain, or if I command the locust to devour the land, or if I send pestilence among My people, 14and My people who are called by My name humble themselves and pray and seek My face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, will forgive their sin and will heal their land. 15"Now My eyes will be open and My ears attentive to the prayer offered in this place.…

Ezekiel3:12
"Therefore, son of man, say to your people, 'If someone who is righteous disobeys, that person's former righteousness will count for nothing. And if someone who is wicked repents, that person's former wickedness will not bring condemnation. The righteous person who sins will not be allowed to live even though they were formerly righteous.'

 

◄ Psalm 2 ►

New Living Translation 1Why are the nations so angry? Why do they waste their time with futile plans? 2The kings of the earth prepare for battle; the rulers plot together against the Lord and against his anointed one. 3“Let us break their chains,” they cry, “and free ourselves from slavery to God.” 4But the one who rules in heaven laughs. The Lord scoffs at them. 5Then in anger he rebukes them, terrifying them with his fierce fury. 6For the Lord declares, “I have placed my chosen king on the throne in Jerusalem,a on my holy mountain.”

 

7The king proclaims the Lord’s decree:

“The Lord said to me, ‘You are my son.^b

Today I have become your Father.^c

8Only ask, and I will give you the nations as your inheritance,

the whole earth as your possession.

9You will break^d them with an iron rod

and smash them like clay pots.’”

10Now then, you kings, act wisely!

Be warned, you rulers of the earth!

11Serve the Lord with reverent fear,

and rejoice with trembling.

12Submit to God’s royal son,^e or he will become angry,

and you will be destroyed in the midst of all your activities—

for his anger flares up in an instant.

But what joy for all who take refuge in him!

Out of the mouths of babes

We get in the car this morning and my son says: Why do we always listen to church music? I said: it’s not church music, it’s Christian music, they just play some of it at church. He said: I want to listen to country, like we do in pawpaw’s truck. I said: well you can listen to country when you are with pawpaw…

I made the switch years ago…for several reasons: country no longer sounds like country to me, it sounds a lot like pop; I don’t like the memories that are stirred from listening to older secular music and I love listening to scripture put to music.

The other day I was listening to the radio and a song came on and it took me right back to a Single’s retreat I went on in Daytona years ago. Yes, that specific! Isn’t it amazing how powerful music is? I can often be transported to another time, a time that satan can really use to bring on feelings of self-loathing and guilt. And that happens all over the place…they play secular music everywhere: the mall, restaurants, doctors offices…But this was a powerful transportation via Christian music. And it was oh so very cool! It is cool to have been a Christian so long now, that older music reminds me of parts of my Christian walk instead of just the dead me…

Have you ever noticed how many Christian songs come straight out of the Bible? Have you ever heard that it’s easier to memorize something to a tune? What a great and simple way to hide His Word in your heart!

I haven’t figured out yet how to have this kind of conversation with my 7 year old and tell him why I only listen to Christian music…but the time will come. Meanwhile, the arguments are few and far between and usually accompanied by missing his pawpaw…and there is nothing cooler than to hear my boy (and every now and then, my little girl) singing loudly and proudly to the lyrics on our ‘Christian’ radio. I know it must make God smile much bigger than me J

Fighting or Loving...

A subject that I have strong feelings about has been getting a lot of attention lately.

One of the 10 commandments, written in the Old Testament, and while still good ideals, the law was crushed by Jesus: Thou shall not murder. I am not writing to dispute whether I think abortion is morally wrong…I am very pro-life.

I feel so strongly about this statement I heard somewhere: ‘people don’t care what you say or do, they care how you made them feel’. If we, as Christians, are walking around calling these women murderers, do they find themselves welcome in our churches? In our lives? As our friends? Do they keep that secret so deeply buried in their soul that their bodies start rebelling against them? That they become physically ill?

Did Jesus not come to save the lost? Did He not save a wretch on the cross? Did He not save a wretch like me? Will He not save a woman who’s had an abortion?

There is a part of me that wonders if we shouldn’t spend way more time on our knees and way less time fighting causes. Last year I read an article about a Canadian woman who was doing some serious battle. But she was doing it silently, compassionately and respectfully. She was praying on the court house front steps and in front of various meetings. I don’t remember her name or most of the specifics…but what struck me was that she knew Whose battle it really was.

What would happen in our country if every Christian prayed 2 Chron 7:14 EVERY DAY? “if my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land”. Now, how cool would that be?????

I am all for educating people and for ending abortion, but lets face it, it’s been around for centuries! I believe in an Almighty God, an Omniscient God, I believe in a God that says He numbered all my days at Creation. Therefore, I don’t think there is anything happening that He’s not aware of. I also believe that He is the Author of any and all life. So, I think those babies are dancing with Jesus and that their purpose was fulfilled in the lessons that their parents would learn, sooner or later.

I am not sure how or why, but I know of at least 3 abortions in my circles…and I know that most if not all women live to regret their decision and that they live with such utter darkness inside of them. Feelings of utter despair, an all-consuming fear that there is no redemption or forgiveness for them.

But this Jesus, my Adonai, the Savior and Lover of my soul, He is bigger, ever so much bigger than this grave sin. And I don’t believe that He scores our sin. Any and all sin separates us from the love of Christ. As a matter of fact, in Proverbs where He lists the sins that He hates, discord/discension is an abomination to Him. Don’t these causes that we choose to fight so loudly often lead to discord? Prov 6:16-19

Women we must start to love one another! And we must do this boldly, no holds barred, unequivocally, unconditionally, with total abandon, absolute patience and kindness and no record of wrongs. Let’s love each other into the arms of the One who set us free! I don’t know about you, but there aren’t many days that I don’t reflect on the season where Adonai set me free, took my migraines, met me in the lobby and took my bags and threw them to the netherreaches and taught me to walk by grace. Don’t you want everyone you meet to have that light, I can fly, feeling?

I have this desire for women to know their identity in Christ, deeply, to the depths of their very core, so that our actions and reactions flood the light of Christ. Because when we know Whose we are, and who we are, then our actions begin to change and our demeanors begin to soften…

While I have a tender spot in my heart for the women who struggle with this. I have these feelings about leaving our opinions at the feet of Jesus with all the other hot topics: welfare, homosexuality, addiction, politics…the list is really quite endless. God says in Romans that all authority is in place by His permission…there really is nothing new under the sun, we must stop harping and begin loving and praying!

TN recap

We had a wonderful time in TN. It was a great time to catch up with some friends and family. The weather was cold and there was plenty of snow. I painted my parents house. We went sledding, the boys built a huge fort, the girls drove each other nuts. Mom and I had several girls days, one that included a spa. Lots and lots of fun and activity. But, the one word that comes to mind though is: long. And people always say that’s because you were staying with family. NO!!!  I love my family, that part was wonderful and if we could dine and visit every night forever, that would be fabulous, however…It was a long time to be away from home, from my man, from our church…I think all along I thought we would be returning to TN at the end of our ND adventure, but God has moved my heart, not that I really watned to go back to TN, just that I didn’t think that He was going to sever that tie (but if there was a way to bring our home and acreage and stream up here…).  I found out that I could not maintain dual-citizenship. It was wonderful to visit our church, but that’s what it was, it was a visit. It was nice to see my Bible study mommas. It was nice to have some get togethers. But, it was not home. I had no burning need to go to any of those activities. And I say that without any malice whatsoever! I am simply content and happy and oh so glad to be back here in my camper J

I had a really hard time keeping up with a set quiet time while there. But I have found myself over the last month or so thanking God profusely that He’s allowed me to hide so much of His Word in my heart, so that even when I couldn’t spend hours with Him, I could still be reminded of scriptures and have prayer time. So grateful for all He’s poured into me over the years.

I have no idea where we are going or what’s around the bend…but I’ve this burning desire to do something. I am tired of just attending church and going to Bible studies, I need to get back in the trenches. I thought that we were coming up here for a season of healing, and I think we did, it just seems to be over…it’s time to get her done. I think also that often healing comes better when your hand is outstretched to another (2 Cor 1:3-4).

I’ve got 3 passions, that come after my husband and kids of course: that women would know and understand the sanctity of marriage; that women would know their identities in Christ and walk boldly in their inheritance; and eventually to run a ranch for foster kids. The 3^rd is not on the immediate agenda, since we live in a camper…but the other 2 are being given much thought and energy.