My Son, my son!

For those that knew us when my son was small…and for those that are maybe walking there right now…I want to share with you some of the fruit. Don’t lose heart!

A while back a friend reminisced with me and told me about a time when they had left our home and she said to her husband I hope our sons don’t act like that.

My son, my son! He was such an awesome baby, so sweet and easy. Then there was about a year when he was 3’ish that I didn’t leave the house with him alone. If hubby or my mom weren’t with us, we stayed home. He was headstrong, and temperamental, full of energy and rambunctious and I was scared to leave the house with him, frightened he would run in front of a car or tear up the grocery store.

I took a nap with him daily just to have enough energy to keep up with him. He would go down for his nap and I would have my quiet time and then a nap, so that when he woke up I’d be rejuvenated for him. For a while we were in such a bad place that I made a behavior chart, I made it idiot proof so that there was no way he wouldn’t get stickers during the day. This was a great reboot for our relationship. The child is quick! I had to revive my disciplining daily. The same discipline didn’t work all the time.

Let me just insert, that it wasn’t always time to discipline. From the time he was born I have spoken life into him daily. On top of our daily devotionals and reading from the Bible and memorizing scripture, I affirm him. I tell him that if I got to choose I would choose him again. I tell him that he is my favorite: 1^st and middle name. I tell him that I am proud to be his mom (and now he answers me: I am proud to be your son).

If you are in a difficult season with your kiddos, can I just encourage you that you are the right mom for the job. God determined at the foundations of the world, at creation that you would be that child’s parent. It was not a spur of the moment decision when sperm met egg. Think about this, at creation you were on His mind, all your days were written. Yes we have free-will, but that does not mean that anything surprises God, you never catch him off-guard. You are exactly the right fit for your child. If you are an adoptee or an adopted mom, I believe the same for you and your kiddos. God knows and He knew. He has uniquely gifted you with everything that your child needs. That does not mean that you will not make mistakes. But God’s grace is sufficient to walk through it.

It was a hard hard time. Can I just say that it was labor intensive! But, now the fruits of our hard work and consistency has paid off!

Here are a few recent stories that help to rejuvenate me as a mom. Because lets face it, being a parent is a full-time, always on, kind of gig.

His little sister is now in Elementary school and so she has joined the big kids church. The children’s Pastor praised him because he was singing (not the best singer he's ever heard) but singing with all his might with his hands raised and loving Jesus. And Pastor thought that was a great example for him to be living for his sister. Because she'll see many people but it'll be him that she watches…

His dad told him he had to ride in the front seat with his sister on his bus. Well another kindergarten girl's older brother won’t sit w her so he sits w both girls. I send them a snack and the other day he gave his to her. And told me I needed to pack more snacks because their mom doesn’t.

There is nothing that makes my heart swell quite as much as listening to him break out with a worship song.

Another Difficult Decision

People have been asking if I was ever going to blog again…it’s hard to string together sentences in the midst of a very difficult decision. And sometimes it’s easier to make a decision without the ‘help’ of others, so keeping it mostly to ourselves was the best way for us to do this.

I thought this blog would flow from the tips of my fingers, but I am using the backspace a lot, trying to keep my sarcasm and opinions on this subject in check.

We came to the decision that the kids are going to school on Wednesday. The princess is old enough for Kindergarten this year and that frees me up to get a job outside the home. I am very nervous and anxious about this decision and am hoping that we only have to use public day care until Christmas. I am hoping that we will be able to pay off a few bills by then and that we can start Homeschooling again in January.

While at WM the other day buying their school supplies, I was fighting tears and a desire to sit down and have a huge pity party.

For me it is an issue of faith on both sides! I didn’t want the decision to send them to school to be a lack of faith that THE PROVIDER would indeed provide and now that we made the decision I don’t want to lack the faith that THE CREATOR won’t keep my babies safe. I am trusting that God will honor my obedience in this and my desire to follow my hubby and allow him the freedom to lead us.

Tomorrow we will go on our last field trip with our homeschool friends for the foreseeable future, and we are very excited. There are so many cool activities planned this year that we will be missing, and I am bummed. But, I am excited to have a little excess in the budget and to pay down some bills. Because lets face it, in our move to come up here to get out of debt we created more debt and while all the bills get paid every month, they aren’t getting paid down very quickly. And we both feel strongly that we won’t know our next step until we have cleared up our debt. We both desire to be in ministry of some sort eventually and know that we must first be free and clear.

If you build it they will come...

If you build it they will come…

Some of you may know that I have started a small group at my church, made it all official and opened it up to anyone…it’s Tuesdays at the Lake. But the surprising part of it is how God has grown my vision for it.

Many of you may know me as the quiet, reserved, introvert, stand offish, not chatty, hard to approach…all may be things that you have thought or said about me. So, imagine my surprise as God plants an extrovert’s passion deep into my being. I still do not know what it will look like or exactly where it is going…but here’s what I know: if God has planted it, there is a way and a reason. And I am excited to see where it leads.

My heart is for the women in this area. Being an ‘oilfield widow’ is tough in and of itself. Then you add in the lack of shopping malls (I know, some women dig these places, strange, right???) and museums or whatever it is that they left in their previous homes and come to a place with an outrageous male population and they are left with a bad taste in their mouths for this area. Women also have a hard time making friends. We are harsh and judgmental, we think we have to be perfect, we think many things, probably different for us all. But, one thing that we all have in common, whether intro or extrovert, we all need friends. God created us for relationships, it’s in our core to want to commune with others.

So, I have this desire to be a catalyst for friendships, hopefully life giving friendships. I have hopes that bonds will be formed and that in the fall maybe it will grow into a Bible study group, or maybe new welcoming committees will blossom. I hope to plant seeds of friendship deep into the hearts of women. I want women to quit leaving the area. Wouldn’t it be cool if the ration between men and women wasn’t so extreme? For me, God has given me roots here. It has been a long time since I’ve felt at home. Probably since I left FL all those years ago. For whatever reason, TN was never really home, just a stopping place.

Won’t it be cool to have running buddies here in this new leg of your life’s marathon? People to surround you and make you not feel so alone and homesick?

If you are local we’d love to have you join us on Tuesdays J

Beyond Grateful

I find myself in such a season of abundance and gratefulness!

Our pastor in TN used to preach that God would restore what the locusts had eaten…the locusts had eaten a lot in our marriage! But the last almost 2 years, since we hit the number ‘7’ have been wonderful. Not perfect, not lacking in aggravation and pettiness, not without frustrations and limitations, not looking the way we thought it would look (can I get an AMEN to that)…But, oh so very wonderful!

Whether by choice or forced by circumstance we didn’t really live and fellowship in TN, we were in survival mode. Here, we have found life, and evidently we have found it abundantly. Here in this boomtown, and if you know your history, you could compare much of it to the gold fever of days gone by, in this land of much and greed and sin…we have found the Spirit to be active and free in a way I’ve never experienced.

We are surrounded by such an awesome group of people! Such generosity of spirit, time, material things, fellowship, friendship – I am absolutely blown away. When praying with the kids before bed I found myself in tears again when thanking God for our blessings. I am truly overwhelmed by His faithfulness and the blessings.

The Bible says many times to pray without ceasing! It also says that when words fail that His Spirit will intercede where words fail…I gotta say most days I don’t get much farther than the Thank You’s. And I am sure that this mountain top will not carry us to the end and that we will face valleys and seasons of being dry…but now while I am here, I cannot keep to myself how truly good our Father is! How faithful He is. There is a verse that says that if our earthly fathers give good gifts, how much more would Abba…I am experiencing this to a new depth. So, I walk around smiling, and I hope that it is infectious and I hope to in some way pass on the blessings.

All because of an innocent question...

This morning my son picked up one of my daughter’s Strawberry Shortcake miniature dolls and asked me if I wished I were that skinny….WHAT?!?!?!? I said something like: I try really hard to love my body, because it’s the one that God gave me and He designed us all uniquely and wonderfully in His image…but is that really the case?

This has been an ongoing battle for too many years to count! I try really hard to be content, or to at least not allow my kids to see my discontent because of all the eating disorders and body image issues in society today…and I for sure, do not want to predispose my kiddos to any of that hullabaloo. I want so bad to hand my kiddos a double portion as Elijah did to Elisha, but I am bombarded today with the fact that maybe I am less content than even I realized.

I am really good at maintaining…I have been the same size and roughly the same weight for about 10 years, but it is all consuming. I constantly watch and criticize everything I eat and I try to stay active (something that is much more challenging in a camper). Because of the extremes that my mind loves to dive into, I won’t allow myself to diet or do any of the fad stuff, I don’t read magazines, I don’t read the latest workout fads, because I am afraid it will consume me. And I don’t want anything but God to consume me. But today I am realizing that even my balancing act is all-consuming.

I find that the skimpier the clothing trends become and the more flesh that people expect to see the less content I become, even though my personal style hasn’t changed much in the last 20 years (yes that’s post doc Martins and crocheted dresses)…I wonder what is the secret to being content? Because that is all I truly desire. I want to be a content person in all areas of life. I want to be healthy: spiritually, physically, emotionally, relationally and financially.

Funny (not haha) that there is always something to work on in our lives. I guess when God is done refining me, He will just call me home, and I get to dance in Glory in a new body. I wonder sometimes at the sanity behind my thinking that my body image is really a spiritual issue. But, to me, it is. I am unable to move from where am I unless I am certain that the motives are pure. God says in His Word that we have not because our motives in asking are wrong (James 4:3)…is He really going to make me skinny tomorrow if my only motivation is keeping up with the Joneses? So, in my quest for contentment comes a desire to just be a healthy and happy me and to leave the judgers to judge…but, maybe it is I that is the biggest judge of all?

A New Realization

Sisters! Walk into and embrace your inheritance. It is for this earth, not just for heaven.

I have a friend that in her insecurities often refers to herself as weird. The enemy is smart and conniving. For some he isolates, for some he makes busy, for some he deceives, for some he puffs up…his list is endless. But he desires to stomp out our fire!

Words have such power! So, even if ‘I am weird’ is just an awkward ice breaker, a self-deprecating throw of words. Words have power! We must arm ourselves with the Word of Truth and be careful what we truly believe. Because when we believe that we are weird…that’s how we act. Naturally we withdraw, naturally we second guess everything we say, naturally we think we are different than our sisters, somehow less than…

The Bibles says that we are His Beloved! The Bible says that we are joint heirs with Christ! The Bible says that we have been given a Spirit of power! The Bible says we are Redeemed! The Bible says we have been washed whiter than snow! The Bible says He will not leave us nor forsake us! The Bible says we are His Bride! We are beautiful, unique, created in His Image, wonderfully made, intimately known by our Father, we are cherished, precious daughters in His sight, created with a purpose, known since creation and designed specifically to our calling.

He didn’t wait until conception to know us! So, even if you think you are an accident…He knows you! He knew you before and designed with something awesome in mind. You are special and worthy of His love. I love to think about that. When He spoke the world into being, I was on His mind. He knows me, all my flaws, all my shortcomings, all my pride, all my sin…and He cherishes me, is quick to forgive, steady to redirect my steps, catching me when I fall, never making me feel like a heel – even when I’m wrong. Totally cherished!

And, sisters, that is not your husband’s job. He can never be to you what only Jesus was designed to be. So, if you are putting all your eggs in the basket of being a beautiful cherished princess bride…your husband is overworked and the expectations on him may cause him to crumble and fall under the weight. Fill that void with Jesus, let Him love you as only He can and then give your husband the overflow.

Renewed Vigor

After spending the weekend praying, researching and weighing my options there was no absolute answer. While the thought of sending him to school was very peaceful, there were a lot of hurdles that I couldn’t quite jump mentally. So on Monday morning I felt led to ask him what he wanted to do…I fully knew that he was going to choose going to school! Wrong! He said he wanted to stay home and do a better job of homeschooling. So, since I had asked him and given him that control, here we are.

I must say though that this week has been filled with much hope and peace and determination. There are after all only 2 months left (give or take)…I woke up Monday morning feeling like I could conquer the world. I gotta say that after having sickness in our home for the last month or so that it was a foreign feeling. God has woken me up with a renewed vigor the last 3 days and we have been having upward momentum.

I am so encouraged that people are reading my thoughts and craziness and that I have even been allowed to bless others. Although the leading to write a blog was clear, the direction is still cloudy. But it is my desire to live a transparent life, to be real with women and to be iron and have iron in my life spurring us towards love and good deeds. Always remembering that this is not our home, getting caught up in the things of this world makes my focus slip. Heaven is our home and I want to spend more time on things with eternal value than just simply passing the time.