If you build it they will come...

If you build it they will come…

Some of you may know that I have started a small group at my church, made it all official and opened it up to anyone…it’s Tuesdays at the Lake. But the surprising part of it is how God has grown my vision for it.

Many of you may know me as the quiet, reserved, introvert, stand offish, not chatty, hard to approach…all may be things that you have thought or said about me. So, imagine my surprise as God plants an extrovert’s passion deep into my being. I still do not know what it will look like or exactly where it is going…but here’s what I know: if God has planted it, there is a way and a reason. And I am excited to see where it leads.

My heart is for the women in this area. Being an ‘oilfield widow’ is tough in and of itself. Then you add in the lack of shopping malls (I know, some women dig these places, strange, right???) and museums or whatever it is that they left in their previous homes and come to a place with an outrageous male population and they are left with a bad taste in their mouths for this area. Women also have a hard time making friends. We are harsh and judgmental, we think we have to be perfect, we think many things, probably different for us all. But, one thing that we all have in common, whether intro or extrovert, we all need friends. God created us for relationships, it’s in our core to want to commune with others.

So, I have this desire to be a catalyst for friendships, hopefully life giving friendships. I have hopes that bonds will be formed and that in the fall maybe it will grow into a Bible study group, or maybe new welcoming committees will blossom. I hope to plant seeds of friendship deep into the hearts of women. I want women to quit leaving the area. Wouldn’t it be cool if the ration between men and women wasn’t so extreme? For me, God has given me roots here. It has been a long time since I’ve felt at home. Probably since I left FL all those years ago. For whatever reason, TN was never really home, just a stopping place.

Won’t it be cool to have running buddies here in this new leg of your life’s marathon? People to surround you and make you not feel so alone and homesick?

If you are local we’d love to have you join us on Tuesdays J

Beyond Grateful

I find myself in such a season of abundance and gratefulness!

Our pastor in TN used to preach that God would restore what the locusts had eaten…the locusts had eaten a lot in our marriage! But the last almost 2 years, since we hit the number ‘7’ have been wonderful. Not perfect, not lacking in aggravation and pettiness, not without frustrations and limitations, not looking the way we thought it would look (can I get an AMEN to that)…But, oh so very wonderful!

Whether by choice or forced by circumstance we didn’t really live and fellowship in TN, we were in survival mode. Here, we have found life, and evidently we have found it abundantly. Here in this boomtown, and if you know your history, you could compare much of it to the gold fever of days gone by, in this land of much and greed and sin…we have found the Spirit to be active and free in a way I’ve never experienced.

We are surrounded by such an awesome group of people! Such generosity of spirit, time, material things, fellowship, friendship – I am absolutely blown away. When praying with the kids before bed I found myself in tears again when thanking God for our blessings. I am truly overwhelmed by His faithfulness and the blessings.

The Bible says many times to pray without ceasing! It also says that when words fail that His Spirit will intercede where words fail…I gotta say most days I don’t get much farther than the Thank You’s. And I am sure that this mountain top will not carry us to the end and that we will face valleys and seasons of being dry…but now while I am here, I cannot keep to myself how truly good our Father is! How faithful He is. There is a verse that says that if our earthly fathers give good gifts, how much more would Abba…I am experiencing this to a new depth. So, I walk around smiling, and I hope that it is infectious and I hope to in some way pass on the blessings.

All because of an innocent question...

This morning my son picked up one of my daughter’s Strawberry Shortcake miniature dolls and asked me if I wished I were that skinny….WHAT?!?!?!? I said something like: I try really hard to love my body, because it’s the one that God gave me and He designed us all uniquely and wonderfully in His image…but is that really the case?

This has been an ongoing battle for too many years to count! I try really hard to be content, or to at least not allow my kids to see my discontent because of all the eating disorders and body image issues in society today…and I for sure, do not want to predispose my kiddos to any of that hullabaloo. I want so bad to hand my kiddos a double portion as Elijah did to Elisha, but I am bombarded today with the fact that maybe I am less content than even I realized.

I am really good at maintaining…I have been the same size and roughly the same weight for about 10 years, but it is all consuming. I constantly watch and criticize everything I eat and I try to stay active (something that is much more challenging in a camper). Because of the extremes that my mind loves to dive into, I won’t allow myself to diet or do any of the fad stuff, I don’t read magazines, I don’t read the latest workout fads, because I am afraid it will consume me. And I don’t want anything but God to consume me. But today I am realizing that even my balancing act is all-consuming.

I find that the skimpier the clothing trends become and the more flesh that people expect to see the less content I become, even though my personal style hasn’t changed much in the last 20 years (yes that’s post doc Martins and crocheted dresses)…I wonder what is the secret to being content? Because that is all I truly desire. I want to be a content person in all areas of life. I want to be healthy: spiritually, physically, emotionally, relationally and financially.

Funny (not haha) that there is always something to work on in our lives. I guess when God is done refining me, He will just call me home, and I get to dance in Glory in a new body. I wonder sometimes at the sanity behind my thinking that my body image is really a spiritual issue. But, to me, it is. I am unable to move from where am I unless I am certain that the motives are pure. God says in His Word that we have not because our motives in asking are wrong (James 4:3)…is He really going to make me skinny tomorrow if my only motivation is keeping up with the Joneses? So, in my quest for contentment comes a desire to just be a healthy and happy me and to leave the judgers to judge…but, maybe it is I that is the biggest judge of all?

A New Realization

Sisters! Walk into and embrace your inheritance. It is for this earth, not just for heaven.

I have a friend that in her insecurities often refers to herself as weird. The enemy is smart and conniving. For some he isolates, for some he makes busy, for some he deceives, for some he puffs up…his list is endless. But he desires to stomp out our fire!

Words have such power! So, even if ‘I am weird’ is just an awkward ice breaker, a self-deprecating throw of words. Words have power! We must arm ourselves with the Word of Truth and be careful what we truly believe. Because when we believe that we are weird…that’s how we act. Naturally we withdraw, naturally we second guess everything we say, naturally we think we are different than our sisters, somehow less than…

The Bibles says that we are His Beloved! The Bible says that we are joint heirs with Christ! The Bible says that we have been given a Spirit of power! The Bible says we are Redeemed! The Bible says we have been washed whiter than snow! The Bible says He will not leave us nor forsake us! The Bible says we are His Bride! We are beautiful, unique, created in His Image, wonderfully made, intimately known by our Father, we are cherished, precious daughters in His sight, created with a purpose, known since creation and designed specifically to our calling.

He didn’t wait until conception to know us! So, even if you think you are an accident…He knows you! He knew you before and designed with something awesome in mind. You are special and worthy of His love. I love to think about that. When He spoke the world into being, I was on His mind. He knows me, all my flaws, all my shortcomings, all my pride, all my sin…and He cherishes me, is quick to forgive, steady to redirect my steps, catching me when I fall, never making me feel like a heel – even when I’m wrong. Totally cherished!

And, sisters, that is not your husband’s job. He can never be to you what only Jesus was designed to be. So, if you are putting all your eggs in the basket of being a beautiful cherished princess bride…your husband is overworked and the expectations on him may cause him to crumble and fall under the weight. Fill that void with Jesus, let Him love you as only He can and then give your husband the overflow.

Renewed Vigor

After spending the weekend praying, researching and weighing my options there was no absolute answer. While the thought of sending him to school was very peaceful, there were a lot of hurdles that I couldn’t quite jump mentally. So on Monday morning I felt led to ask him what he wanted to do…I fully knew that he was going to choose going to school! Wrong! He said he wanted to stay home and do a better job of homeschooling. So, since I had asked him and given him that control, here we are.

I must say though that this week has been filled with much hope and peace and determination. There are after all only 2 months left (give or take)…I woke up Monday morning feeling like I could conquer the world. I gotta say that after having sickness in our home for the last month or so that it was a foreign feeling. God has woken me up with a renewed vigor the last 3 days and we have been having upward momentum.

I am so encouraged that people are reading my thoughts and craziness and that I have even been allowed to bless others. Although the leading to write a blog was clear, the direction is still cloudy. But it is my desire to live a transparent life, to be real with women and to be iron and have iron in my life spurring us towards love and good deeds. Always remembering that this is not our home, getting caught up in the things of this world makes my focus slip. Heaven is our home and I want to spend more time on things with eternal value than just simply passing the time.

Battling Aimlessly

I have heard it said that women’s heads are like a giant plate of spaghetti and men’s brains are arranged in boxes. And while I am definitely on the logical, realistic, non-artsy side of things, I’m pretty sure that there’s a mess of sticky pasta upstairs. Everything is connected! I can’t think about anything lately without it looking like a giant domino display crashing down. While unpacking some overwhelming thoughts/emotions to my ‘sister’ this afternoon, some things started clicking into perspective. Funny how when you are knee deep it’s hard to see the roots. Perspective does indeed change things?

 

When I started on this homeschool adventure…that’s what it was. It was an adventure, just like our lives in a camper on the plains of ND. We wanted the freedom of escaping to TN during the winter and I had some behavior/character things I really wanted to work on with my son.

I think there are some homeschoolers that are die hard homeschoolers and were raised in homeschool and there has never been another plan, there’s not even another option. Their kids aren’t vaccinated, they won’t enter the mainstream…and you know what I think: I think that’s great! I think it’s a wonderful opportunity for you and your kiddos. I however, had never heard of homeschooling growing up, had never really given it much thought until the last couple of years and still there was this mystery surrounding it all. I have unwound a lot of the mystery for myself, but am just finding that in this season, in our camper, in our neighborhood, with my son, it is not working for us. And after unpacking layers of guilt, I am contemplating going to sign my son back up for school on Monday.

 

I think in our society, with this constant barrage of information, that it is easy to have lies implanted in your core. Even if you fight them, even if you love the Lord, there are lies in this world. I realized this week that even though I have always been one to love my quiet time (an introverts paradise, I guess) that I have allowed it to be stolen by busyness. Somehow the noise level in my life is out of control! Even in my prayer time, it has gotten so loud, that I have been unable to shut it up to hear from the One whose voice my soul longs for. My favorite verse has had no room in my life for the last month or so (Ps 46:10 "Cease striving and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.")

 

In my desire to do something good for my child, different than the norm…am I doing him a disservice if I have lost myself and we find ourselves at constant odds? Am I still doing a good thing when our lives are filled with constant strife? Could it be with our very strong-willed, dominant personalities that maybe a little more space than our 29’ camper provides be a good thing and not a bad thing? Have I in fact, become the very parent I didn’t want to become? I believe I have mentioned before, that my son has some very amazing qualities! But, I am having a hard time seeing them lately. A night’s reprieve is never enough to face the next day full of challenges. By living in an overwhelmed state have I allowed this verse to pop up in our lives, without intending to do so?

Ephesians 6:4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.

 

I will spend the rest of the weekend prayerfully seeking my Father’s face. But, could the joy, lightness and quickening in my spirit, just from putting this thought out there, be the answer in itself? Sometimes I think we look too long and hard for answers, when they are staring us right in the face. Sometimes, we just think that simplicity couldn’t possibly be the answer.

I gotta say that I must get the guilt factor under control…but a 2 month break before a 3 month summer session in the camper (which will in fact be easier than the winter) might be just what the doctor ordered.

Not about me

I am beginning to sense a great Spiritual awakening. At first I thought it was just living here in the Bakken, because there is truly something different here…but the more I study and listen the more I think, God is trying to send His church a wake up call.

I have always strongly believed that God was going to use our marriage as a testimony, that the hubby and I would be leading in some capacity and helping others stay in their covenants. But that has such a ‘me’ feel. I am feeling more and more that it is really not about me at all and ALL ABOUT HIM. And He is calling us to rise up and be different. To look different than the world that we live in, to act different, to live differently. Don’t you think it’s time for the church to start looking different than the world. How can our divorce rates be as high as the world? How can teen rebellion be as high as the world? How can we look the same as the world, when we have the Power of the Holy Spirit at our side, living inside? Didn’t Jesus say that when He left, the Holy Spirit would come on us and we would do greater things than Him?

We have cherry picked several verses and made it so that they fit the American dream…I don’t think there’s anything really wrong with the American dream, unless of course, it contradicts what the Lord has called out for your life. He has good plans, plans to prosper you…Jer 29: 11, Rom8:28…now I’m not saying that He’s lying, merely that I think we get confused on what is good, and we rarely look at the verses surrounding the cherry picked ones. He knows what is ultimately best and ‘His’ looks different than ours. I don’t think He’s talking about riches, or the hottest husband, or kids that are robots, I think ultimately He’s talking about a fully surrendered life, because that is where we find contentment. Contentment bleeds out onto others and they demand to know what you have that they don’t…only the Holy Spirit can draw us to Him, but our lives should be lived in such a way that others want what we have. And let’s face it, money does not satisfy, unless God is filling that void, you will always be chasing something.

Back to my initial thoughts…I think it’s time for us to listen! He is calling us out, it’s not going to be comfortable, it may not even be pretty J we will probably be stretched in ways that we never dreamed of, but He is calling us to stand up and take a stand. I believe our country needs us! But, more than a bunch of people yelling about all the things we are against, we have got to be a praying people. But, we also have to be a reconciled people, we must humbly repent before our God and then be reconciled so that we can beg Him for mercy. We can keep saying that we are a Christian nation, or we can wake up and face reality…if we were a Christian nation, the enemy would not be holding our politicians, our children, our marriages, our friendships, our families, our business men hostage with his lies.

I’ll be the first to admit my prayer life has a long way to go…but now is the time! He is calling us up. It is time for us to gather together and throw off petty complaints and grudges, work together, love and encourage each other’s strengths, don’t belittle our weaknesses but let’s stand in the gap for each other. We are the body and there isn’t a member of the body that is not important, every part of the body is vital to accomplish His Good Works.

Here are a couple of passages that the Lord has been showing me while being led to prayer:

II Chron 7 13"If I shut up the heavens so that there is no rain, or if I command the locust to devour the land, or if I send pestilence among My people, 14and My people who are called by My name humble themselves and pray and seek My face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, will forgive their sin and will heal their land. 15"Now My eyes will be open and My ears attentive to the prayer offered in this place.…

Ezekiel3:12
"Therefore, son of man, say to your people, 'If someone who is righteous disobeys, that person's former righteousness will count for nothing. And if someone who is wicked repents, that person's former wickedness will not bring condemnation. The righteous person who sins will not be allowed to live even though they were formerly righteous.'

 

◄ Psalm 2 ►

New Living Translation 1Why are the nations so angry? Why do they waste their time with futile plans? 2The kings of the earth prepare for battle; the rulers plot together against the Lord and against his anointed one. 3“Let us break their chains,” they cry, “and free ourselves from slavery to God.” 4But the one who rules in heaven laughs. The Lord scoffs at them. 5Then in anger he rebukes them, terrifying them with his fierce fury. 6For the Lord declares, “I have placed my chosen king on the throne in Jerusalem,a on my holy mountain.”

 

7The king proclaims the Lord’s decree:

“The Lord said to me, ‘You are my son.^b

Today I have become your Father.^c

8Only ask, and I will give you the nations as your inheritance,

the whole earth as your possession.

9You will break^d them with an iron rod

and smash them like clay pots.’”

10Now then, you kings, act wisely!

Be warned, you rulers of the earth!

11Serve the Lord with reverent fear,

and rejoice with trembling.

12Submit to God’s royal son,^e or he will become angry,

and you will be destroyed in the midst of all your activities—

for his anger flares up in an instant.

But what joy for all who take refuge in him!