A New Realization

Sisters! Walk into and embrace your inheritance. It is for this earth, not just for heaven.

I have a friend that in her insecurities often refers to herself as weird. The enemy is smart and conniving. For some he isolates, for some he makes busy, for some he deceives, for some he puffs up…his list is endless. But he desires to stomp out our fire!

Words have such power! So, even if ‘I am weird’ is just an awkward ice breaker, a self-deprecating throw of words. Words have power! We must arm ourselves with the Word of Truth and be careful what we truly believe. Because when we believe that we are weird…that’s how we act. Naturally we withdraw, naturally we second guess everything we say, naturally we think we are different than our sisters, somehow less than…

The Bibles says that we are His Beloved! The Bible says that we are joint heirs with Christ! The Bible says that we have been given a Spirit of power! The Bible says we are Redeemed! The Bible says we have been washed whiter than snow! The Bible says He will not leave us nor forsake us! The Bible says we are His Bride! We are beautiful, unique, created in His Image, wonderfully made, intimately known by our Father, we are cherished, precious daughters in His sight, created with a purpose, known since creation and designed specifically to our calling.

He didn’t wait until conception to know us! So, even if you think you are an accident…He knows you! He knew you before and designed with something awesome in mind. You are special and worthy of His love. I love to think about that. When He spoke the world into being, I was on His mind. He knows me, all my flaws, all my shortcomings, all my pride, all my sin…and He cherishes me, is quick to forgive, steady to redirect my steps, catching me when I fall, never making me feel like a heel – even when I’m wrong. Totally cherished!

And, sisters, that is not your husband’s job. He can never be to you what only Jesus was designed to be. So, if you are putting all your eggs in the basket of being a beautiful cherished princess bride…your husband is overworked and the expectations on him may cause him to crumble and fall under the weight. Fill that void with Jesus, let Him love you as only He can and then give your husband the overflow.

Renewed Vigor

After spending the weekend praying, researching and weighing my options there was no absolute answer. While the thought of sending him to school was very peaceful, there were a lot of hurdles that I couldn’t quite jump mentally. So on Monday morning I felt led to ask him what he wanted to do…I fully knew that he was going to choose going to school! Wrong! He said he wanted to stay home and do a better job of homeschooling. So, since I had asked him and given him that control, here we are.

I must say though that this week has been filled with much hope and peace and determination. There are after all only 2 months left (give or take)…I woke up Monday morning feeling like I could conquer the world. I gotta say that after having sickness in our home for the last month or so that it was a foreign feeling. God has woken me up with a renewed vigor the last 3 days and we have been having upward momentum.

I am so encouraged that people are reading my thoughts and craziness and that I have even been allowed to bless others. Although the leading to write a blog was clear, the direction is still cloudy. But it is my desire to live a transparent life, to be real with women and to be iron and have iron in my life spurring us towards love and good deeds. Always remembering that this is not our home, getting caught up in the things of this world makes my focus slip. Heaven is our home and I want to spend more time on things with eternal value than just simply passing the time.

Battling Aimlessly

I have heard it said that women’s heads are like a giant plate of spaghetti and men’s brains are arranged in boxes. And while I am definitely on the logical, realistic, non-artsy side of things, I’m pretty sure that there’s a mess of sticky pasta upstairs. Everything is connected! I can’t think about anything lately without it looking like a giant domino display crashing down. While unpacking some overwhelming thoughts/emotions to my ‘sister’ this afternoon, some things started clicking into perspective. Funny how when you are knee deep it’s hard to see the roots. Perspective does indeed change things?

 

When I started on this homeschool adventure…that’s what it was. It was an adventure, just like our lives in a camper on the plains of ND. We wanted the freedom of escaping to TN during the winter and I had some behavior/character things I really wanted to work on with my son.

I think there are some homeschoolers that are die hard homeschoolers and were raised in homeschool and there has never been another plan, there’s not even another option. Their kids aren’t vaccinated, they won’t enter the mainstream…and you know what I think: I think that’s great! I think it’s a wonderful opportunity for you and your kiddos. I however, had never heard of homeschooling growing up, had never really given it much thought until the last couple of years and still there was this mystery surrounding it all. I have unwound a lot of the mystery for myself, but am just finding that in this season, in our camper, in our neighborhood, with my son, it is not working for us. And after unpacking layers of guilt, I am contemplating going to sign my son back up for school on Monday.

 

I think in our society, with this constant barrage of information, that it is easy to have lies implanted in your core. Even if you fight them, even if you love the Lord, there are lies in this world. I realized this week that even though I have always been one to love my quiet time (an introverts paradise, I guess) that I have allowed it to be stolen by busyness. Somehow the noise level in my life is out of control! Even in my prayer time, it has gotten so loud, that I have been unable to shut it up to hear from the One whose voice my soul longs for. My favorite verse has had no room in my life for the last month or so (Ps 46:10 "Cease striving and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.")

 

In my desire to do something good for my child, different than the norm…am I doing him a disservice if I have lost myself and we find ourselves at constant odds? Am I still doing a good thing when our lives are filled with constant strife? Could it be with our very strong-willed, dominant personalities that maybe a little more space than our 29’ camper provides be a good thing and not a bad thing? Have I in fact, become the very parent I didn’t want to become? I believe I have mentioned before, that my son has some very amazing qualities! But, I am having a hard time seeing them lately. A night’s reprieve is never enough to face the next day full of challenges. By living in an overwhelmed state have I allowed this verse to pop up in our lives, without intending to do so?

Ephesians 6:4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.

 

I will spend the rest of the weekend prayerfully seeking my Father’s face. But, could the joy, lightness and quickening in my spirit, just from putting this thought out there, be the answer in itself? Sometimes I think we look too long and hard for answers, when they are staring us right in the face. Sometimes, we just think that simplicity couldn’t possibly be the answer.

I gotta say that I must get the guilt factor under control…but a 2 month break before a 3 month summer session in the camper (which will in fact be easier than the winter) might be just what the doctor ordered.

Not about me

I am beginning to sense a great Spiritual awakening. At first I thought it was just living here in the Bakken, because there is truly something different here…but the more I study and listen the more I think, God is trying to send His church a wake up call.

I have always strongly believed that God was going to use our marriage as a testimony, that the hubby and I would be leading in some capacity and helping others stay in their covenants. But that has such a ‘me’ feel. I am feeling more and more that it is really not about me at all and ALL ABOUT HIM. And He is calling us to rise up and be different. To look different than the world that we live in, to act different, to live differently. Don’t you think it’s time for the church to start looking different than the world. How can our divorce rates be as high as the world? How can teen rebellion be as high as the world? How can we look the same as the world, when we have the Power of the Holy Spirit at our side, living inside? Didn’t Jesus say that when He left, the Holy Spirit would come on us and we would do greater things than Him?

We have cherry picked several verses and made it so that they fit the American dream…I don’t think there’s anything really wrong with the American dream, unless of course, it contradicts what the Lord has called out for your life. He has good plans, plans to prosper you…Jer 29: 11, Rom8:28…now I’m not saying that He’s lying, merely that I think we get confused on what is good, and we rarely look at the verses surrounding the cherry picked ones. He knows what is ultimately best and ‘His’ looks different than ours. I don’t think He’s talking about riches, or the hottest husband, or kids that are robots, I think ultimately He’s talking about a fully surrendered life, because that is where we find contentment. Contentment bleeds out onto others and they demand to know what you have that they don’t…only the Holy Spirit can draw us to Him, but our lives should be lived in such a way that others want what we have. And let’s face it, money does not satisfy, unless God is filling that void, you will always be chasing something.

Back to my initial thoughts…I think it’s time for us to listen! He is calling us out, it’s not going to be comfortable, it may not even be pretty J we will probably be stretched in ways that we never dreamed of, but He is calling us to stand up and take a stand. I believe our country needs us! But, more than a bunch of people yelling about all the things we are against, we have got to be a praying people. But, we also have to be a reconciled people, we must humbly repent before our God and then be reconciled so that we can beg Him for mercy. We can keep saying that we are a Christian nation, or we can wake up and face reality…if we were a Christian nation, the enemy would not be holding our politicians, our children, our marriages, our friendships, our families, our business men hostage with his lies.

I’ll be the first to admit my prayer life has a long way to go…but now is the time! He is calling us up. It is time for us to gather together and throw off petty complaints and grudges, work together, love and encourage each other’s strengths, don’t belittle our weaknesses but let’s stand in the gap for each other. We are the body and there isn’t a member of the body that is not important, every part of the body is vital to accomplish His Good Works.

Here are a couple of passages that the Lord has been showing me while being led to prayer:

II Chron 7 13"If I shut up the heavens so that there is no rain, or if I command the locust to devour the land, or if I send pestilence among My people, 14and My people who are called by My name humble themselves and pray and seek My face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, will forgive their sin and will heal their land. 15"Now My eyes will be open and My ears attentive to the prayer offered in this place.…

Ezekiel3:12
"Therefore, son of man, say to your people, 'If someone who is righteous disobeys, that person's former righteousness will count for nothing. And if someone who is wicked repents, that person's former wickedness will not bring condemnation. The righteous person who sins will not be allowed to live even though they were formerly righteous.'

 

◄ Psalm 2 ►

New Living Translation 1Why are the nations so angry? Why do they waste their time with futile plans? 2The kings of the earth prepare for battle; the rulers plot together against the Lord and against his anointed one. 3“Let us break their chains,” they cry, “and free ourselves from slavery to God.” 4But the one who rules in heaven laughs. The Lord scoffs at them. 5Then in anger he rebukes them, terrifying them with his fierce fury. 6For the Lord declares, “I have placed my chosen king on the throne in Jerusalem,a on my holy mountain.”

 

7The king proclaims the Lord’s decree:

“The Lord said to me, ‘You are my son.^b

Today I have become your Father.^c

8Only ask, and I will give you the nations as your inheritance,

the whole earth as your possession.

9You will break^d them with an iron rod

and smash them like clay pots.’”

10Now then, you kings, act wisely!

Be warned, you rulers of the earth!

11Serve the Lord with reverent fear,

and rejoice with trembling.

12Submit to God’s royal son,^e or he will become angry,

and you will be destroyed in the midst of all your activities—

for his anger flares up in an instant.

But what joy for all who take refuge in him!

Out of the mouths of babes

We get in the car this morning and my son says: Why do we always listen to church music? I said: it’s not church music, it’s Christian music, they just play some of it at church. He said: I want to listen to country, like we do in pawpaw’s truck. I said: well you can listen to country when you are with pawpaw…

I made the switch years ago…for several reasons: country no longer sounds like country to me, it sounds a lot like pop; I don’t like the memories that are stirred from listening to older secular music and I love listening to scripture put to music.

The other day I was listening to the radio and a song came on and it took me right back to a Single’s retreat I went on in Daytona years ago. Yes, that specific! Isn’t it amazing how powerful music is? I can often be transported to another time, a time that satan can really use to bring on feelings of self-loathing and guilt. And that happens all over the place…they play secular music everywhere: the mall, restaurants, doctors offices…But this was a powerful transportation via Christian music. And it was oh so very cool! It is cool to have been a Christian so long now, that older music reminds me of parts of my Christian walk instead of just the dead me…

Have you ever noticed how many Christian songs come straight out of the Bible? Have you ever heard that it’s easier to memorize something to a tune? What a great and simple way to hide His Word in your heart!

I haven’t figured out yet how to have this kind of conversation with my 7 year old and tell him why I only listen to Christian music…but the time will come. Meanwhile, the arguments are few and far between and usually accompanied by missing his pawpaw…and there is nothing cooler than to hear my boy (and every now and then, my little girl) singing loudly and proudly to the lyrics on our ‘Christian’ radio. I know it must make God smile much bigger than me J

Fighting or Loving...

A subject that I have strong feelings about has been getting a lot of attention lately.

One of the 10 commandments, written in the Old Testament, and while still good ideals, the law was crushed by Jesus: Thou shall not murder. I am not writing to dispute whether I think abortion is morally wrong…I am very pro-life.

I feel so strongly about this statement I heard somewhere: ‘people don’t care what you say or do, they care how you made them feel’. If we, as Christians, are walking around calling these women murderers, do they find themselves welcome in our churches? In our lives? As our friends? Do they keep that secret so deeply buried in their soul that their bodies start rebelling against them? That they become physically ill?

Did Jesus not come to save the lost? Did He not save a wretch on the cross? Did He not save a wretch like me? Will He not save a woman who’s had an abortion?

There is a part of me that wonders if we shouldn’t spend way more time on our knees and way less time fighting causes. Last year I read an article about a Canadian woman who was doing some serious battle. But she was doing it silently, compassionately and respectfully. She was praying on the court house front steps and in front of various meetings. I don’t remember her name or most of the specifics…but what struck me was that she knew Whose battle it really was.

What would happen in our country if every Christian prayed 2 Chron 7:14 EVERY DAY? “if my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land”. Now, how cool would that be?????

I am all for educating people and for ending abortion, but lets face it, it’s been around for centuries! I believe in an Almighty God, an Omniscient God, I believe in a God that says He numbered all my days at Creation. Therefore, I don’t think there is anything happening that He’s not aware of. I also believe that He is the Author of any and all life. So, I think those babies are dancing with Jesus and that their purpose was fulfilled in the lessons that their parents would learn, sooner or later.

I am not sure how or why, but I know of at least 3 abortions in my circles…and I know that most if not all women live to regret their decision and that they live with such utter darkness inside of them. Feelings of utter despair, an all-consuming fear that there is no redemption or forgiveness for them.

But this Jesus, my Adonai, the Savior and Lover of my soul, He is bigger, ever so much bigger than this grave sin. And I don’t believe that He scores our sin. Any and all sin separates us from the love of Christ. As a matter of fact, in Proverbs where He lists the sins that He hates, discord/discension is an abomination to Him. Don’t these causes that we choose to fight so loudly often lead to discord? Prov 6:16-19

Women we must start to love one another! And we must do this boldly, no holds barred, unequivocally, unconditionally, with total abandon, absolute patience and kindness and no record of wrongs. Let’s love each other into the arms of the One who set us free! I don’t know about you, but there aren’t many days that I don’t reflect on the season where Adonai set me free, took my migraines, met me in the lobby and took my bags and threw them to the netherreaches and taught me to walk by grace. Don’t you want everyone you meet to have that light, I can fly, feeling?

I have this desire for women to know their identity in Christ, deeply, to the depths of their very core, so that our actions and reactions flood the light of Christ. Because when we know Whose we are, and who we are, then our actions begin to change and our demeanors begin to soften…

While I have a tender spot in my heart for the women who struggle with this. I have these feelings about leaving our opinions at the feet of Jesus with all the other hot topics: welfare, homosexuality, addiction, politics…the list is really quite endless. God says in Romans that all authority is in place by His permission…there really is nothing new under the sun, we must stop harping and begin loving and praying!

TN recap

We had a wonderful time in TN. It was a great time to catch up with some friends and family. The weather was cold and there was plenty of snow. I painted my parents house. We went sledding, the boys built a huge fort, the girls drove each other nuts. Mom and I had several girls days, one that included a spa. Lots and lots of fun and activity. But, the one word that comes to mind though is: long. And people always say that’s because you were staying with family. NO!!!  I love my family, that part was wonderful and if we could dine and visit every night forever, that would be fabulous, however…It was a long time to be away from home, from my man, from our church…I think all along I thought we would be returning to TN at the end of our ND adventure, but God has moved my heart, not that I really watned to go back to TN, just that I didn’t think that He was going to sever that tie (but if there was a way to bring our home and acreage and stream up here…).  I found out that I could not maintain dual-citizenship. It was wonderful to visit our church, but that’s what it was, it was a visit. It was nice to see my Bible study mommas. It was nice to have some get togethers. But, it was not home. I had no burning need to go to any of those activities. And I say that without any malice whatsoever! I am simply content and happy and oh so glad to be back here in my camper J

I had a really hard time keeping up with a set quiet time while there. But I have found myself over the last month or so thanking God profusely that He’s allowed me to hide so much of His Word in my heart, so that even when I couldn’t spend hours with Him, I could still be reminded of scriptures and have prayer time. So grateful for all He’s poured into me over the years.

I have no idea where we are going or what’s around the bend…but I’ve this burning desire to do something. I am tired of just attending church and going to Bible studies, I need to get back in the trenches. I thought that we were coming up here for a season of healing, and I think we did, it just seems to be over…it’s time to get her done. I think also that often healing comes better when your hand is outstretched to another (2 Cor 1:3-4).

I’ve got 3 passions, that come after my husband and kids of course: that women would know and understand the sanctity of marriage; that women would know their identities in Christ and walk boldly in their inheritance; and eventually to run a ranch for foster kids. The 3^rd is not on the immediate agenda, since we live in a camper…but the other 2 are being given much thought and energy.