Present in His Presence

 A lot of people have been counting down until Christmas for weeks. Talk has been circling around putting up trees and decorations and Hallmark movies. You know, if you love the décor just put it up and don’t worry about what others have to say about it. But, be present. My parents were in Amway when I was younger, and they did a lot of self-help and motivational speakers, a thought they taught still runs through my head regularly: don’t wish your life away. Be here, now. If it’s a weekday don’t begrudge it not being the weekend. If it’s thanksgiving don’t begrudge it not being Christmas yet. It all circles around the premise of being present in the present.

It is November 1^st. One of my favorite times! My daughter has been talking for months about the coming Thanksgiving tree and taking time out of our day to focus on being thankful. Oh, how it makes my heart glad to know that she has caught the bug. Of course, life with H is a constant game of charades. She keeps me on my toes as she starts describing little bits and pieces of things and expects me to be on the same page and know what is in that beautiful brain of hers. So, today, because I am not a great planner, I found colored printer paper and found leaf templates online and we started cutting out colored leaves. Then the kids went out and hunted acorns and twigs. We set up the vase that holds our Thanksgiving decoration and wrote on our 1^st leaves of the month. My Barnabus has this phrase that some things are taught, and some things are caught. I love that!  I feel like I teach all the time, I turn most things in our life into little teachings and create life lessons to equip my children to become adults in the near future. But, just because I am doing my job of teaching does not mean that they are catching what is being thrown…After our time of devotion I had a conversation with E and asked him why this is so important and why we have turned it into a family tradition. He says to me that being thankful combats complaining and brings on contentment. He caught it. Proud momma moment!

I am not a fan of Halloween and am glad that it is behind us. I adore Christmas and can’t wait to be with family and friends and celebrate the birth of my Savior and to remember why we have this Freedom. But, I love this time in between as well and am determined to be present this month as we practice thankfulness. A time to enjoy the color of the leaves, a change in the weather, the cooler weather and layers of clothes, the excuse to drink hot tea and to snuggle under the blankets, cozying on the couch with the kids and a good book, a time to reflect on all that we have and how good the love of our Savior is to us. He loves us so lavishly!

Holiness and Honor

Many years ago, family members noticed a lack of respect between J and I. Somewhere during that time frame my mom also mentioned that whenever I spoke to J I had a nasty tone of voice. What was going on inside our home was leaking out. In case you don’t know us well, opposites did not attract in our case. We are both incredibly strong willed and independent, full of energy and easily excitable. We do balance each other out well, but if we both think we are right, and neither is willing to yield, then, well…

It is hard to live a lie, and we were living a lie. Things at home were awful. We were in love, but we did not like each other. We both strongly agreed that marriage was forever, him because he had witnessed its demise and me because my family was full of lifelong marriages. Marriage is a big deal and even though we eloped 3 months after meeting, neither was willing to throw in the towel. I knew that he was the head of the house, even if he had not earned that right. Even if he was disrespecting our home and causing mischief. But, just knowing that information and even believing the Word to be totally true, did not make it easy to show him respect. In our culture we believe and teach that respect is to be earned. God taught me through some tough years in our marriage that you can respect someone into respectability. But in order to start being respectful I had to start allowing God to soften my heart and take away my need to be right.

Mom mentioned not long after she corrected me that she had never seen someone correct a problem so quickly. She said my voice and tone were like night and day. But, it has still been a long journey to where we are now. I offer you this backstory to tell you a new story.

After a long day of hard work serving in the aftermath of hurricane Michael, riding home in the truck, still seeing such utter devastation everywhere we looked, I leaned over and said to J: I am so proud to be your wife, your servants’ heart is amazing. I love how you lead our family. He smiles, blushes and says: it shows. After a few minutes of wondering what he meant, I had to ask. He answered: if you didn’t believe in what we were doing you would be bucking the system, instead you make me so proud to be your husband, you are one hard working woman.

Mutual honor. Submission. Words that make most Americans cringe. But in our home, it has become a beautiful thing. 1 Peter 3:1 ‘Wives, respect and obey your husbands in the same way. Then the husbands who do not obey the word of God will want to know God. They will want to know God because their wives live good lives, even though they say nothing about God.’ Most often when talking about respecting our husbands we talk about the Ephesians 5 passage but this passage right here, is what grabbed a hold of me and transformed our lives.

New Life as the Seasons Change

Guys I am blown away not only by the devastation that we have found East of us but also by my husband. This morning as I was praying over him, I was reminded that when we were 1^st married he didn’t do any labor without pay. The kids and I got to work with Jason for 3 days before school started back. The kids were amazing y’all. They were complimented for their kindness and their hard work everywhere we went. We got to meet some very cool people along the way. We were in a trailer park on Monday looking for ways to help, we ended up at one where others were working but needed a bigger chainsaw. Turns out they didn’t live there, they were from IN. They have been vacationing in PC for 30 years and turned this trip into a mission trip. Those 2 teenage girls of theirs were hard workers! Our 1^st day out 4 people joined our crew, 2 were local men that didn’t have damage and they wanted to help out and their parents from AL. We did a few houses together. Many hands make light work. Being out and about showed lots of kindnesses. So many people gathered around, doing what they could do. Neighbors loving neighbors.

So, as I watched him head out for the 6^th day to work for free, I was blown away. God has been transforming my husband before my eyes. He is working tirelessly, just as hard as he would be if he were getting paid. He is willing to walk up to homes and offer his services. He has met many people who have been blessed just by his offer, though they deferred to more needy recipients. He said the coolest thing about offering his services has been the sideways look he receives. It blows people’s minds. Yesterday he ended up at a retired pastor’s home and the 1^st thing he said was are you the Jason from Freeport that the radio said is out here working for free? The pastor ended up praying over him and blessing him and told him about storing up treasures in heaven and about adding jewels to his crown. Jason is also convinced that the Lord has been guiding his truck and that he has been at just the right spot each time. I could not be prouder of him. He was in a neighborhood yesterday and stopped at a house and offered his services and after they laughed at him (not rudely, just blown away) and said that they had heavy machinery on the way sent him across the street to an elderly couples’ home. There was a massive tree covering their driveway but since it missed the house insurance was not going to help. While he was there the woman commandeered his services and put him to work. Her husband has dementia and she needed help. He unclogged 2 toilets, fixed the garage door put gas in her car before clearing the giant tree.

This week in my reading of both the Bible and Celebration of Discipline there has been a definite theme: Seek first the Kingdom of God. Living by faith and not by sight.

Matthew 6:33AMP

But seek (aim at and strive after) first of all His kingdom and His righteousness (His way of doing and being right), and then all these things taken together will be given you besides.

Reality

Recently, I was overwhelmed with emotions and tension in my marriage. So, I began praying over Jason and asking God to heal the tensions and put peace back in our home. While I was praying over our marriage it became apparent that I was nursing a hurt. It's not one that I could've pointed to, it's not a cut I was actively putting a bandage on and in all honesty it's one I thought didn't even exist. Two years ago, Jason was offered a job in Texas. He felt the Lord leading him and the job offer was good. I didn't feel the leading to move like he did, but I did feel like it was my place to respect his role as head of house and follow him. So, pack up and leave we did. I was aware that I didn't want to go. We had made a community in Boomtown, USA. We loved our church. We had great friends. We were in a great place for many adventures, there will still so many areas we wanted to explore. We landed in Texas and set up camp about the time that the bottom fell out of the oil industry. The proffered job was no more. There was no work to be found. But somehow we landed on our feet and got busy the way that we do. I started subbing and Jason did eventually find a decent job. We stayed there about 6 months. Around Spring break my grandfather offered us some of his land and Jason's job was ending and it seemed like if we were starting over again, home would be as good a place as any. So, pack up and head east we did. Only, that didn't turn out the way we thought either...4 moves in the Panhandle later and we are finally settling in. Work is steady and good. No one can say anything negative about my hubby's work ethic.
All that backstory to say:"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?" Matthew 7:3. This is not about anyone's dust, but about my plank. How annoying that I can miss a plank in my eye! I mean, just a tiny speck of something in my eye has me thoroughly irritated and crying. God revealed to me recently that I had a hurt and had quit trusting Him. Because, I had given the devil a tiny entrance it was showing in my marriage and my emotions. Because, I had a perceived hurt and a perceived reason to mistrust, I was not showing my man the honor due him. I had a friend ask me in ND how I trusted my husband after our past, to which I simply replied: I trust my Father. After this perceived hurt, that was no longer the case and it was manifesting itself in tension filled days.
Hindsight: the oil industry crashed! Many, many, many people lost their jobs. Had we have stayed in ND, as winter approached along with the astronomical cost of living, we would have really been up a creek. However, even in moving to TX without a secure job to fall on, God's hand was guiding and protecting us. We met some cool people along the way and added some legs to the adventure that we set out on 3.5 years ago.
Things are better now. It's amazing what confession can do for the soul. I feel renewed and free. God has given me back my desire to teach and lead, to write on my blog and to start up a Bible study. I am believing God for many things. I so desire to share the things I have learned along the way and to teach ladies what it means to lean in to God and to trust Him with all your heart.

Sanctified Sinners

As we are getting our shoes on to walk out the door for church, Elijah says: do people who say they believe in the Lord, but go around being ugly go to heaven? This is such perfect timing, you know, it's Sunday morning, rushing around, trying to get out the door and get our butts to church to worship the Lord, full sarcasm. But seriously, the timing is perfect! Because the God of all wonders, Who exists outside of our timeline and knows all the hairs on our heads...He said it was time. I take a deep breath, not because I am bothered, and not because I am frazzled, but because I am continuously amazed at the depth of this man I am raising, and because I know that he wants an answer and does not want a flippant answer as we hurry out the door; out comes Bible teacher mom(I will paraphrase, cuz my memory is slipping). Well, son, I believe that when we believe in the Lord, when we know the Lord, you will be able to tell. The Bible says they will know us by our Love and by our good deeds. The Word says that we will be transformed by the renewing of our mind, because as we get to know the God that has saved us and read the Word, we will become the new creations that the Bible says we are when we acknowledge Him as Lord and Savior.

I am sure there were a few other things said...but as I reflect, I am just honored to be this young man's mom. I am honored for the life that God has given me and the deep desire and conviction to plant His Word deep inside my son since before he can remember.

 

Later that night, after reading a few chapters in our Sugar Creek Gang book, he says to me that he needs to repent for some school relationships. Evidently, there were 2 boys that he was not treating well, was not including in his circle and he said I need to make that right. Oh, be still my heart! If the only 2 things my son learns from our home is to be obedient to the Lord and to be teachable, I will be completely content!

 

 

I so deeply desire to be found faithful with the 2 beautiful gifts God has given me to nurture and love and raise to be known by God. I am so far from perfect, there are days when I look back and think, oh Lord, what have I done (or not done)! And yet, I rest in the fact that God chose me at the foundations of the world to be their mom. He chose me to live for such a time as this, in this year, in this country. And I think when we have that perspective it changes everything. It changes how we view the family that we grew up in. Because, no matter how many times the world will try to tell you about your dysfunctional family, or try to blame the folks for problems in your life. When we stand firm, that God knew and knows all the details, that the trials and curves and switchbacks in your life have all been for the plans He has for your life and the comfort He will expect you to pour out and share with another, then we will be found: good and faithful servant. One of my favorite verses is Psalm 46:10, but people always cut it off, they don't read the entire verse, and it is my opinion that if you drop the last 2 lines of the verse then you miss its signficance! Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth (Ps 46:10). We were not created for life on this earth as the end game, we are created for eternity and we are created for God's glory, not our own. So whatever is going on in and around you, trust and obey because He will be exalted; He will be glorified; He will be known.