Humble in the Making

Isn’t pride wonderful…instead of keeping a steady flow of blogs coming, I shut down until after a trial to write what I’ve learned instead of buckling down and being transparent during. Thank God that He is faithful even when I am not. This has been a season of testing and sifting for our family and a time for us to walk out the prayer I started praying last fall: that we would walk by faith and not by sight.

Despite an earlier post on FB that we were moving and that J had found a job, we are still at the beautiful campground in Garrison that we are calling home in this season and unemployed. Thank God for my man that is not afraid of work and for his talents in so many areas. There has been a steady stream of side jobs that have kept the coffers from being totally bare. We are learning to trust the Provider instead of the provisions, which I think is a lesson that will put us in good standing when our dreams are realized.

This campground has a large herd of deer that run freely, some even succumb to being handfed, but they are really little better than goats, because you have to make sure you put anything valuable up at dusk find it chewed up in the morning; it has a family of giuneafowl that are pretty but loud and have made a nest in the tree next to our camper which leads to the trees that are everywhere; there is a spring fed pool here that used to be the spring used for bottled water in the area, beautiful wooded hiking trails and wonderful, kind and generous neighbors. This place, even if it is a temporary respite from the hustle and bustle of life, has truly been a gift.

The kids are enrolled in school, and while they enjoy being around the kids, neither one wakes up ready to go to school. Mostly they want to stay home and homeschool and be with us. It is my hope that they are learning much during this season from us being happy and full of smiles and faith even amidst lack of steady employment. If we can just give them a legacy of faith and not following the herd, then I will count it great joy!

Wise enough to listen

Titus 2: 3-5 Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.

I love this passage of scripture, you may notice it is in the title of the blog…in the Bible study that I am leading right now Beth Moore talked about the older ladies and honored them in a wonderful way and it brought tears to my eyes.

I have been pondering the many women who have greatly influenced my life. I remember when I agreed to lead this study I fully expected just a group of my peers and younger to attend. Boy was I shocked when I saw the diversity of age and backgrounds of the women who decided to join this study. I was humbled and terrified speechless that first week, someone else stood in the gap and led us in prayer. But, I am so very grateful for this wonderfully, diverse group of ladies that God brought together for our study.

 From a very young age I took to older women.  From wonderful grandmothers and aunts and family friends I learned to love listening to stories about earlier times and ways.  The world would find a way to misalign that and say I had mommy issues or something…but the truth is, I have always loved the stories of days gone by. There are the stories of triumph in difficulty, the stories of floundering to find their own way as I have too, and the wisdom that comes with age and experience.  These are invaluable for those of us still travelling those roads.

 I am so very thankful to the women who found me worthy enough to pour some of themselves and their knowledge into who I am and who I will be. And I just wanted to encourage younger women to have a diverse group of people close to your heart and in your life. And wiser ladies, please understand that what you have to give and share with us is incredibly valuable and we need your encouragement. Don’t feel like what you have to say and give is outdated or in any way useless. Times are different, but the desires of a woman’s heart: to be loved, to be a good wife and mom, those are timeless. And we need women to look up to who have gone before us, who have fought in the trenches and have overcome, people who won’t sugarcoat the responsibilities and difficulties of marriage, but will share some of their biggest defeats and biggest triumphs candidly.  Sometimes even when we don’t think we need this guidance.  Perhaps then most of all.  We all need encouragement and hope, a helping hand, a kind heart – just like in the scripture above.  

 

Leaves are changing colors

My father once told me while I was working at the farm: The only thing constant in your life is change! That was 12 years ago. I’m not so sure that anything has really changed!

I am amazed that living with my hubby and seeing him and communicating with him regularly that I was able to be totally blindsided! But I was. My dear friend in the faith recently commented on my spidey sense, and how I am always in tune with the changing seasons. I had been saying for several weeks that change was in the air, change was coming for us. But I thought it was coming by way of a home, that we were going to get to settle down in this community that we’ve grown to love and appreciate. I had no idea that hubby was secretly dreading the thought of working outside through another winter, I had no idea he was ready to hit the road.

And while being blindsided with his desire to move on, I AM IN. I have absolutely no reservations about leaving. I am very excited about this next leg of our adventure. The kids are equally excited about our journey. They keep trying to pack Go-bags and ask if today is the day. Our son is praying anxiously for this move to involve a home, even a small home, a little bigger than our camper. And when I told him, trying to prepare him, that we would probably be spending more time in the camper as we try to figure out where to live and get some money ready, he was devastated. It’s a good thing he bounces back quickly.

The babydoll adds a T to Texas. She keeps talking about moving to TexTas (it is so very darlin’) and is so very excited. And as long as we are in Tennessee for Christmas, because Christmas is in TN (her words, not mine), I think she’ll be good to go.

I have grown and been challenged in so many areas of my life while being here. I am so thankful for the many friendships and very fun memories that we have made. I will remember our season here in the very NorthWest corner of ND very fondly. Thank you for making our time here awesome!

 

My Son, my son!

For those that knew us when my son was small…and for those that are maybe walking there right now…I want to share with you some of the fruit. Don’t lose heart!

A while back a friend reminisced with me and told me about a time when they had left our home and she said to her husband I hope our sons don’t act like that.

My son, my son! He was such an awesome baby, so sweet and easy. Then there was about a year when he was 3’ish that I didn’t leave the house with him alone. If hubby or my mom weren’t with us, we stayed home. He was headstrong, and temperamental, full of energy and rambunctious and I was scared to leave the house with him, frightened he would run in front of a car or tear up the grocery store.

I took a nap with him daily just to have enough energy to keep up with him. He would go down for his nap and I would have my quiet time and then a nap, so that when he woke up I’d be rejuvenated for him. For a while we were in such a bad place that I made a behavior chart, I made it idiot proof so that there was no way he wouldn’t get stickers during the day. This was a great reboot for our relationship. The child is quick! I had to revive my disciplining daily. The same discipline didn’t work all the time.

Let me just insert, that it wasn’t always time to discipline. From the time he was born I have spoken life into him daily. On top of our daily devotionals and reading from the Bible and memorizing scripture, I affirm him. I tell him that if I got to choose I would choose him again. I tell him that he is my favorite: 1^st and middle name. I tell him that I am proud to be his mom (and now he answers me: I am proud to be your son).

If you are in a difficult season with your kiddos, can I just encourage you that you are the right mom for the job. God determined at the foundations of the world, at creation that you would be that child’s parent. It was not a spur of the moment decision when sperm met egg. Think about this, at creation you were on His mind, all your days were written. Yes we have free-will, but that does not mean that anything surprises God, you never catch him off-guard. You are exactly the right fit for your child. If you are an adoptee or an adopted mom, I believe the same for you and your kiddos. God knows and He knew. He has uniquely gifted you with everything that your child needs. That does not mean that you will not make mistakes. But God’s grace is sufficient to walk through it.

It was a hard hard time. Can I just say that it was labor intensive! But, now the fruits of our hard work and consistency has paid off!

Here are a few recent stories that help to rejuvenate me as a mom. Because lets face it, being a parent is a full-time, always on, kind of gig.

His little sister is now in Elementary school and so she has joined the big kids church. The children’s Pastor praised him because he was singing (not the best singer he's ever heard) but singing with all his might with his hands raised and loving Jesus. And Pastor thought that was a great example for him to be living for his sister. Because she'll see many people but it'll be him that she watches…

His dad told him he had to ride in the front seat with his sister on his bus. Well another kindergarten girl's older brother won’t sit w her so he sits w both girls. I send them a snack and the other day he gave his to her. And told me I needed to pack more snacks because their mom doesn’t.

There is nothing that makes my heart swell quite as much as listening to him break out with a worship song.

Another Difficult Decision

People have been asking if I was ever going to blog again…it’s hard to string together sentences in the midst of a very difficult decision. And sometimes it’s easier to make a decision without the ‘help’ of others, so keeping it mostly to ourselves was the best way for us to do this.

I thought this blog would flow from the tips of my fingers, but I am using the backspace a lot, trying to keep my sarcasm and opinions on this subject in check.

We came to the decision that the kids are going to school on Wednesday. The princess is old enough for Kindergarten this year and that frees me up to get a job outside the home. I am very nervous and anxious about this decision and am hoping that we only have to use public day care until Christmas. I am hoping that we will be able to pay off a few bills by then and that we can start Homeschooling again in January.

While at WM the other day buying their school supplies, I was fighting tears and a desire to sit down and have a huge pity party.

For me it is an issue of faith on both sides! I didn’t want the decision to send them to school to be a lack of faith that THE PROVIDER would indeed provide and now that we made the decision I don’t want to lack the faith that THE CREATOR won’t keep my babies safe. I am trusting that God will honor my obedience in this and my desire to follow my hubby and allow him the freedom to lead us.

Tomorrow we will go on our last field trip with our homeschool friends for the foreseeable future, and we are very excited. There are so many cool activities planned this year that we will be missing, and I am bummed. But, I am excited to have a little excess in the budget and to pay down some bills. Because lets face it, in our move to come up here to get out of debt we created more debt and while all the bills get paid every month, they aren’t getting paid down very quickly. And we both feel strongly that we won’t know our next step until we have cleared up our debt. We both desire to be in ministry of some sort eventually and know that we must first be free and clear.

If you build it they will come...

If you build it they will come…

Some of you may know that I have started a small group at my church, made it all official and opened it up to anyone…it’s Tuesdays at the Lake. But the surprising part of it is how God has grown my vision for it.

Many of you may know me as the quiet, reserved, introvert, stand offish, not chatty, hard to approach…all may be things that you have thought or said about me. So, imagine my surprise as God plants an extrovert’s passion deep into my being. I still do not know what it will look like or exactly where it is going…but here’s what I know: if God has planted it, there is a way and a reason. And I am excited to see where it leads.

My heart is for the women in this area. Being an ‘oilfield widow’ is tough in and of itself. Then you add in the lack of shopping malls (I know, some women dig these places, strange, right???) and museums or whatever it is that they left in their previous homes and come to a place with an outrageous male population and they are left with a bad taste in their mouths for this area. Women also have a hard time making friends. We are harsh and judgmental, we think we have to be perfect, we think many things, probably different for us all. But, one thing that we all have in common, whether intro or extrovert, we all need friends. God created us for relationships, it’s in our core to want to commune with others.

So, I have this desire to be a catalyst for friendships, hopefully life giving friendships. I have hopes that bonds will be formed and that in the fall maybe it will grow into a Bible study group, or maybe new welcoming committees will blossom. I hope to plant seeds of friendship deep into the hearts of women. I want women to quit leaving the area. Wouldn’t it be cool if the ration between men and women wasn’t so extreme? For me, God has given me roots here. It has been a long time since I’ve felt at home. Probably since I left FL all those years ago. For whatever reason, TN was never really home, just a stopping place.

Won’t it be cool to have running buddies here in this new leg of your life’s marathon? People to surround you and make you not feel so alone and homesick?

If you are local we’d love to have you join us on Tuesdays J

Beyond Grateful

I find myself in such a season of abundance and gratefulness!

Our pastor in TN used to preach that God would restore what the locusts had eaten…the locusts had eaten a lot in our marriage! But the last almost 2 years, since we hit the number ‘7’ have been wonderful. Not perfect, not lacking in aggravation and pettiness, not without frustrations and limitations, not looking the way we thought it would look (can I get an AMEN to that)…But, oh so very wonderful!

Whether by choice or forced by circumstance we didn’t really live and fellowship in TN, we were in survival mode. Here, we have found life, and evidently we have found it abundantly. Here in this boomtown, and if you know your history, you could compare much of it to the gold fever of days gone by, in this land of much and greed and sin…we have found the Spirit to be active and free in a way I’ve never experienced.

We are surrounded by such an awesome group of people! Such generosity of spirit, time, material things, fellowship, friendship – I am absolutely blown away. When praying with the kids before bed I found myself in tears again when thanking God for our blessings. I am truly overwhelmed by His faithfulness and the blessings.

The Bible says many times to pray without ceasing! It also says that when words fail that His Spirit will intercede where words fail…I gotta say most days I don’t get much farther than the Thank You’s. And I am sure that this mountain top will not carry us to the end and that we will face valleys and seasons of being dry…but now while I am here, I cannot keep to myself how truly good our Father is! How faithful He is. There is a verse that says that if our earthly fathers give good gifts, how much more would Abba…I am experiencing this to a new depth. So, I walk around smiling, and I hope that it is infectious and I hope to in some way pass on the blessings.